Thanksgiving has ended and Christmas is almost here. For my birthday I put my Christmas tree up. No decorations. Just the tree. Yesterday I had the idea to put pictures on my tree with pictures of my little family and friends. Today while sitting next to my tree by my window I looked over and see a picture of my sweet angel and started crying. The holidays are confusing. I have great people that I get to celebrate the holidays with and all and I've cooked plenty of food, but I don't have my oldest daughter to share it with. So my heart breaks and hurts. I miss her so much. I learned to love again because of her. I hold myself back from having fun not sure if it is okay for me to have fun. I just wish i could share all these happy moments with her. She would love this time of year. Where the leaf color changes, winds are a little bit chilly, lights are staying to be put up and houses are being decorated...I mean who wouldn't love this time of year. She would love the new house and yard. So many memories I wanna make with her and can't. Days like this I wish I was with her, but then the other kids wouldn't have their mom and I don't want that. I have great kids. They are a bit crazy, but I always tell them that normal is just a seeing on a washer machine. We have been through a lot and through hard times, but we are some how always okay. My angel may be in heaven, but my heart is always with her.
My husband was home for lunch and when he saw me starting to cry he got worried. He asked me what was wrong, but then saw the picture next to me and knew why I was crying. He moved closer to me in his chair and held me while I cried. He then went back to work after a little while. He is a good comforter. I know I can always count on him to be there. He is an amazing man and I am so happy to be with him.
Everyday I always look forward to him coming home. I look forward to spending time together. Or time together is always full of laughter and happiness.
Anyways enjoy your time with your family and loved ones. Because memories are what we have to pass on
