BDSM Terms...

    So I use the term "adulting" and either get a snicker or a weird look. I'll admit when one friend does it she makes it all cute so I don't mind it, but at the same time she is why I chose to talk about BDSM terms and what they mean. To me and in the lifestyle.

    Adulting: Okay so this one isn't a real word, but it is  a word mostly used by a Submissive or a Little. It means to be adult like and take care of adult things such as taking care of the kids, paying bills, cleaning house and cooking food. To some adulting can be hard mentally and can be stressful and scary. Especially if they have any anxiety. 

Little-Space: When I am in "Little Space" it means I am fully relaxed. I can look at the world with wonder and excitement and without the fear of being judged or made fun of or hearing I am crazy or "whatever floats your boat" (omg I hate that line sooo much). I can color all I want, carry stuffies, be a little sassy, dress up all pretty...If you see me doing any of those around you I either trust you or my anxiety is bad and I need to calm my mind. I know I am fully safe with my Master and I have found 1 couple/ family I feel 100% safe to be me around, but being around others who I know don't accept me for me is hard. If I can't be me then I have to continue to suppress and hide the real me around you and I just can't do that anymore. 

BDSM: Bondage/Discipline, Dominance/Submission, Sadism/Masochism: a combined acronym often used as a catchall for anything in the kink scene.

Collaring: The formal acceptance by a dominant, of a sub's service, or the "ownership" of a pup by a Master or Trainer. Also the ceremony when a dominant commits to a sub (much like a wedding or other contract).

Knife Play: Slow, methodical sensation of the bottom with the edges and points of knives, usually without cutting the skin. Fear of the weapon plays a large part in the stimulus of the bottom.

Limits: What someone will not participate in (hard limits), or is hesitant to do so (soft limits).


Bondage: A term that means tying of the partner’s limbs together while using restraints. This can include use of handcuffs, ropes or chains. Discipline, on the other hand, refers to psychological restraint or use of physical punishment such as whipping.

Dominance and submission refers to rituals that deal with a more mental aspect of BDSM. It involves giving or receiving control of one partner over another. There are often contracts laid out in these types of relationships, such as with Christian and Ana. Contracts outline formal consent and the aspects of how their relationship is to be laid out. These contracts, however, are not legally binding.

Sadism and masochism, sometimes shortened to sadomasochism, refers to the exchange of physical or emotional pain. Sadism is the pleasure someone derives from inflicting pain upon a partner. On the other hand, in masochism the partner gains pleasure from being hurt.

Masochism: Act of receiving pain for sensual/sexual pleasure 

Masochist: Person who enjoys pain, usually sexually

Master/ Slave:  A consensual relationship in which one person receives control (the Master) when given it by another (the slave) for mutual benefit. An extreme form of D/s which usually involves a 24/7 relationship rather than a short period of time (scene or perhaps a week end.) The slave will usually accept a collar from their Master to show that they are owned.

Munch: A group of people that are into BDSM meeting at a "vanilla" place in street-appropriate attire. Sometimes this is a club. You might see an announcement like, "This weekend's munch is at Denny's".

Needle Play: Temporary piercings done with sterile needles of different gauges, usually only for the duration of a scene.

Aftercare: The time after a BDSM scene or play session in which the participants calm down, discuss the previous events and their personal reactions to them, and slowly come back in touch with reality. BDSM often involves an endorphin high and very intense experience, and failure to engage in proper aftercare can lead to subdrop as these return to more everyday levels.

Animal Play: In this case the Sub acts  or dresses like an animal (cat, puppy, horse, pig, etc.) 

Openness: In a relationship is what makes it flourish. BDSM, when practiced in a safe, consensual manner, can bring a relationship between partners to new levels of intimacy. 

Safeword: A coded word a Sub can use to force BDSM activity to stop – It is used especially in scenes which may involve consensual force.

Service-Oriented Submissive: A person who enjoys performing a service in a sexual or BDSM environment.

Wax play: The top drips hot wax on the bottom.

A common myth about BDSM is that it is “all about pain.” In actuality, it is about the exchange of power and pleasure. It is also about trust and if you can't trust your partner 100% then you can't truly submit or give the power of exchange. 

Practitioners stress the importance of safety and consent in BDSM. There are several phrases that are used such as “safe, sane and consensual,” or “risk aware consensual kink.”  These ideals stress that all aspects of play are discussed for truly informed consent. 

BDSM is practiced by all kinds of partners of different sexualites and arrangements. The important thing to remember is to be open to your partner about any kind of kink you want to try out, and to be safe about it.

Openness in a relationship is what makes it flourish. BDSM, when practiced in a safe, consensual manner, can bring a relationship between partners to new levels of intimacy. 

You need to be able to trust your Master and you two need to be able to communicate openly and honestly. If you CAN NOT trust your spouse 110% this is NOT for you. 

Tasks and Training...

    Are you married to your Submissive or Slave? Maybe you two aren't married, but live together. Or maybe you two even live apart. Do you have chores or tasks for them to do while you are away??? You really should. Submissive's and Slaves LOVE to me told what to do. So don't feel bad when you tell them do do something. it in fact pleases them.

-Tell her to get you things and bring them to you

-Have a chore chart or a list of chores you expect to be done before you return home

-Have them remove your shoes/boots when you return home

-Have an exercise routines for them...after all health is important

-Morning selfies to approve outfit before leaving the house
pictures of food eaten to prove they have in fact ate

-Set a caffeine amount they are allowed (trying to keep them accountable with pictures)

-Demand texts before they leave the house to say where they are  going, a text to let you know they made it safely to the destination

-Have the Submissive/ Slave check in every few hours if you are away at work for a while (unless you can't text during work then when they have breaks

-Have them send a picture for each chore as they are finished

-Have a set bed time for them

-Have the Sub or Slave wear kegle balls through out the day

-Make them wear a tail or butt plug for certain amount of time

-Have them select 2 or 3 pairs of panties for the next day and pick a pair you want her to wear

-Have her wear nipple clamps under the Sub's top





Making it a task from their dominant is a great way to make sticking to it a whole lot more fun.

A Hurt Submissive

    

    It isn’t easy being a natural Submissive at times. No we don’t just submit to just anyone, but our mind....well that tends to be another story. Just kidding...relax...

I knew when I was a freshmen in high school that I was different. I remember one day my now Ex boyfriend had driven me up a river road to his Dad’s house. Now this Ex is “Cowboy”...y’all remember him mentioned a while back??? Today is the day his story comes out. Now granted...”Cowboy” and I still do chat here and there. We of course now have our own families, but remain friends at a distance.

Anyways back to the story...One day Cowboy was driving us up to his Dad’s place in his truck. It was time to feed the horses since sunset was coming. Anyways on our way up to his and his Dad’s place thoughts of me being tied up popped into my head. I wanted him to tie me up ladies and gentlemen and have his way with me. I wanted him to tie me up and bend me over the passenger side seat and fuck me. I wanted him to drag me off into the barn...I mean the thoughts were dirty and for the longest time I thought something was wrong me. 

Well we continued “dating” and he was my first real boyfriend so I was still scared and nervous and well....really scared, but not of him, but of my thoughts. I was taught that those thoughts are bad. That I would go to hell for them. Those thoughts always seemed fun and relaxed my mind though. All honesty those thoughts calm my mind. Still even to this day. Anyways....I NEVER told him ANY of these thoughts. I never told anybody.Till many years later...

    Cowboy would pick me up from school and drive me to my Parent’s house. We had a play room with a dart board, ping-pong table, love seat and a tv so we went to the play room and would toss darts. He would go and then come my turn he would wrap his arms around me and kiss my neck. I would get so scared and nervous for getting in trouble with my parents because I wasn’t taught that it was okay to show affection. I rarely ever saw my parents show each other affection. So I would push him away and off me so we wouldn’t get into any trouble because back then I loved having him around. He made me laugh. My mind always went blank when I was around him. It was freeing. It was different and it was scary, but I felt safe

Omgoodness his truck...let me tell you about this truck he drove when we were together...It was a light blue truck...flat bed of course since he and his dad lived and worked on a ranch. Well that truck would ALWAYS break down. Right in front of my parents house too. Lol. I laugh about it now because back then it was one of the reasons why we broke up. That and I was crazy shy due to my thoughts. He would swear at his truck as he fixed it. I sat and watched him from my window because I wasn’t allowed out. Well we dated few more months before we eventually split. Our time together though I will always remember. He was a great man to me and had I not been to sheltered and taught certain things then maybe he and I would still be together. Rumor had it back then he was gonna ask me to be his lady. He even had/has the ring. Little ole me had to clue though and so things fell apart and we in time broke up. When he left everything in me broke and I became numb. 

My heart had been broken and I was hurting badly. I didn’t think I would ever be happy again. So my next relationship I looked for someone like my Step-Dad because we were taught every girl wants a man like her Dad. Well let me tell you....that was WRONG!!! I did it though. I found a guy who would treat me great in front of others. Behind the closed doors unless things went his way and he was made happy I would. I was belittled and put down. I was told I would never find anyone because I had kids, I was over weight, I didn’t have a job...I mean they could make lists and it sucked. 

    One day my little spirit couldn’t take it anymore and I ran. None of that marriage was healthy and I knew he wasn’t the one I was supposed to marry. I moved while everyone was away and hid. I am still hiding to a point to make me feel safe and my mind calm a little. 

    During my divorce I found my Master and now only he can calm my mind with a kiss, touch, or voice. My Master is the only one I have talked about my Submissive side with. He is the only one who has let me be me and shine and let me tell you ladies...when you find “Mr. Right” let me tell ya...you will know. When you kiss you will feel yourself melt into his arms. You’ll be overcome with safety and feeling of safety. I remember when my Master and I had our first kiss...I had felt things I had NEVER EVER felt before. I knew my Master is the one I am supposed to be with. Almost 10 years later and my Master and I are very happy together.

    My point today is if you feel safe and you feel it is right and you can sleep that night then go have fun and enjoy each other, but if you feel you have to be something you aren’t, hide the real you, or maybe you have to hide for safety then you REALLY need to get out of there and quickly. Don’t stay around anyone who makes you feel small, not safe, not wanted...you be you and SHINE!!!

A Slave's Prayer

Allow me strength to answer questions I can not fathom

Allow me the spirit to know His needs

Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace

Allow me the love to show Him myself

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him

Allow me the to show Him each day the love of my service for Him

Let me open myself up, to completely belong to Him

Let me accept my punishments with the grace of a woman

Let me learn to please him, beyond myself

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely    

Give me the power to please us  both

Permit me to love myself, in loving him

For it is my greatest wish, my highest power to make His life complete as he makes mine

This one I typed up as if you were to say it. Neither prayers are mine to take credit for, but both are great to reminders to take time to pray and to also pray for your Master. Remember your mental health is important. Take a few minutes to yourself everyday.  

A Submissive’s Prayer

Allow me the strength to answer questions I can’t fathom.

Allow me the spirit to know His needs.

Allow me the kindness to choke back retorts.

Allow me the serenity to serve Him in peace.

Allow me the love to show Him myself.

Allow me the tenderness to comfort Him.

Allow me the light to show us the way.

Allow me the wisdom to be an asset to Him.

Let me be able to show Him each day my love of my service to Him.

Let me open myself up to completely belong to Him.

Let my eyes show Him the same respect, rather I sit at his side, or kneel at his feet.

Let me accept my punishment with the grace of a woman.

Let me learn to please Him, beyond myself.

Grant me the power to give myself to Him completely.

Give me the strength to please us both.

Permit me to love myself, in loving Him.

Allow me the peace of serving Him.

For it is my greatest wish, my highest power To make his life complete, as he makes mine.

This prayer should be said daily if not multiple times. Not because you need to or should, but because it is also a great reminder of what we should be or need to be doing for our Dominate