Aftercare

    Aftercare is something you should be doing whether you are in a vanilla relationship or in a kinky relationship. It refers to time and attention given to partners after an intense sexual experience. Scenes are pre-negotiated and involve consent and safe words incase either partner get uncomfortable with the situation at any time. Just like during vanilla sex you still have to be considerate and communicative during sex and when it is all over. 
    
    Aftercare means communicating and taking care of one another after sex. It helps to ensure that all parties are comfortable and satisfied with everything that had happened. Just because safewords aren't used during a scene or during sex you should still check in. See if there are any wounds that need to be given attention and taken care of. 

    "Sub-drop" is what happens when a Submissive feels sad after the endorphins crash and adrenaline fills their body. Dominant's can also experience something similar to a "Sub-drop". It is a type of "postcoital dysphoria". You don't have to of been tied up or whipped to feel sad after sex. In fact you can get it just from a hormonal change experience after an orgasm, but it can also come from feeling neglected. 

    The "orgasm gap" is where a woman, in particular, my feel that their needs in bed are being ignored and not met. It can make them feel lousy. Although having any feelings that are ignored can make anyone feel pretty lousy. 

    Aftercare after sex can make sex better for anyone. Even if it is getting a warm rag and cleaning your partner up after sex. It bring a closeness because it also shows you are comfortable with one another and care for one another very much. Every relationship is different. So your aftercare may be different from others aftercare as well and that's okay. There are a lot of guidelines for BDSM aftercare. Especially if you are out having casual sex. It means letting your guard down and talking about the experience. This can be scary to do if you are out having one night stands, but that is a different situation. 

    People want to know and be reminded that they are worth while, even after they have been sexually gratifying to one. Long-term relationships are definitely not exempt from aftercare. It is something couples should consider to continue doing. Especially after trying something new. Ask if anything hurt, if they didn't like something or if they were okay with everything. Make sure to cuddle, stroke each other's hair or face. Savor the moment. Aftercare like this can make one feel special and important. 

    Aftercare is just a fancy term at the end of the day where you are making sure you are both happy once the sex is over and when you communicate you can learn what is okay, what felt good, what you can do next time to make things hotter. Communication is even important when having sex. So make sure next time you are having sex with your partner or doing an intense scene make sure to give each other aftercare.

Let’s play “let’s spot the fakes"

READ WITH HUMOR AND SERIOUSNESS...

    It’s kind of like “where is Waldo”

All of our stories should be started with “Once Upon a Time”. And most of us want it to end with “Happily Ever After”. Let’s face it, we all dream about when Prince Henry rides into the castle to save Danielle from that gross old man that “bought” her because he pulled his head out of his behind. You know what I’m talking about, that part where Prince Henry was an asshole after Danielle tried to let her guard down in Ever After. Reality is the chances of you getting struck by lighting is better than this situation happening. We are in a world where we need to fine tune our “fakedar”. Yep, I just coined that term. It’s like playing a game of where is Waldo.

    Let’s face it, there isn’t a how to book how spot someone who is fake. Your “fakedar” develops as you experience life and people. It develops just like your eyes do when you are trying to find Waldo on the crazy pages of crap. We all have our tricks to find him; we turn the book upside down, look through one eye, you do what you have to do to find him. But your “fakedar” is you listening to your gut. It’s like the age old saying your grandma says.... if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, it probably is a duck. 

    Look up trust— trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength in someone or something. People develop trust in different ways, normally trust is the product of curiosity about someone. In any relationship, friendship or romantic, ask LOTS of questions about 

EVERYTHING. See if you get an answer. Most likely if you get a vague bullshit answers it should be the first alarm going off. That you are dealing with a fake. If you have someone who talks about trust and communication A LOT— their biggest weakness is just that, they don’t trust anyone and their communications skills need refining. 

    Believe me sisters if your romantic interest disappears for week...and refuses to tell you anything, secret is you are dealing with a fake.

    The only way to protect yourself, is to be you. Be consistent in being you, so if you are being doubted about being authentic there is no question. 

                  By: G.S.P.

Bondage...

    How many of you have seen the movie "Fifty Shades of Grey"? Now in that movie you may have noticed bondage was done in quite a few scenes. Ties, rope, cable ties...Although I don't recommend using cable ties unless you are smart because using them can be very dangerous. All in all though if you have not done research or practiced bondage I recommend you learning first. 

    Things that can be used for bondage are:

• Ties
• Cable ties
• Rope
• Bondage tape
• Handcuffs
• Cuffs that connect by a lock or chain (different from handcuffs)
• Ribbon

You can use anything as long as it is used safely and wisely. Even the shirt you have on at the moment can be used to tie you up one way or another. You just gotta think and be smart. 

    The most common thing used for bondage is rope. Luckily there are many different types of ropes. You just gotta find one that works for you. Whatever kind of bondage you use you need to make sure you have a key and or a pair of scissors. Once that safe word is used you gotta stop and release them. If you don't release them when the agreed upon safeword is used then it becomes rape and nobody should take it to that level. 

    Some good books for bondage are: 

• Shibari: The Japanese Art of Erotic Bondage. Guide for Beginners

• Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé

• 
  

  Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes

• 
  

  Bondage Basics: Naughty Knots and Risque Restraints You Need to Know

Again these are just a few books.. There are many more. The ones I have listed you can find on amazon.com. 

    Not everyone is into bondage and that is okay. Every dynamic is different because everyone is different and likes different things. So to add bondage of any kind I suggest you talk to your partner and communicate your likes and dislikes. Remember to always have a safe word.

    There is also bondage in a normal/vanilla relationship as well. it is the bond in your heart with your relationship. Every woman ought to understand her worth and value as a person and this is something that should be instilled even from girlhood. When a man puts down a woman in private or in public, criticises her looks, attacks her self-esteem or body image, talks down on her, calls her names, withholds affection or attention in order to hurt her, emotionally blackmails her or withdraws emotionally in order to bend or break her, that’s abuse.

Do not let yourself be put in bondage or enslaved by a man simply because you want to be in a relationship or married. If any of the above describes your relationship, you need to be honest with yourself; recognise abuse for what it is and emancipate yourself. In a healthy relationship, there is mutual support, admiration, empathy and kindness. Both partners are fully on board and each one pulls their weight, creating incredible opportunities for growth and progress individually and as a couple.

Bondage can be great or it can break you...Which kind of bondage do you want. I know I would want the fun bondage...

Overcoming Your Fears

    So as we know fears and anxiety are very powerful emotions. The reason why is because they take a huge toll on the mind and body. Fears can create signals to the brain when in an emergency or public speaking. Or maybe you have a fear that you aren't good enough to others or starting a new job. Fear and anxiety can last anywhere from a short time to a lifetime. In some cases they can take over your life. Which means it can affect your eating, sleep, travel, concentration, or even make it hard to leave your house. They hold you back from things you want to try, and places you want to go. It even holds you back in relationships. 

    Anxiety is a word used to describe some types of fears along with the thought of a threat or threats or something going wrong. Anxiety is a word professionals like to use for your present fears when you feel frightened and anxious.

    A lot of things can make us scared and feel afraid.  Knowing what makes you afraid is the first step to sorting out your fears. Managing your fears is the second step. When you feel frightened or seriously anxious, that your mind and body work very quickly.

Somethings that happen when fear and anxiety kick in are: 

• Your heart beats very fast – maybe it feels irregular
• You breathe very fast
• Your muscles feel weak
• You sweat a lot
• Your stomach churns or your bowels feel loose
• You find it hard to concentrate on anything else
• You feel dizzy
• You feel frozen to the spot
• You can’t eat
• You have hot and cold sweats
• You get a dry mouth
• You get very tense muscles

    Fear and anxiety can affect us all. When it becomes a severe and long lasting it then becomes a mental health issue.

Some ways to overcome your fears is to

1. Face your Fear
2. Know yourself
3. Exercise
4. Relax
5. Healthy eating
6. Avoid alcohol, or drink in moderation
7. Therapy (talking)
8. Medication

    I have personally found exercise to be a great stress reliever as are getting tattoos, but I don't recommend getting a tattoo every time you get stressed or need a release. I have also learned that talking helps. If talking helps you need to find someone you trust 100% and who won't judge you. My fears started in second grade and continued for years, but this last year I made a lot of changes were made and I don't regret any of the changes. The reason why I don't regret it is because my mind is clear. I have made changes to better my life and my family's life. I have been able to let the real me finally shine and so far my Daddy and Sir are the only ones besides our kids who have seen the real me shine and I couldn't be happier. Almost two weeks ago my life changed and I couldn't be happier. Receiving texts from my Daddy and Sir make me very happy. Sometimes it is the simple things that help make you better and overcome things in life. Such as fears. Little steps can become big steps.

    I hope this somehow helped you in what you need to do to overcome your fears and anxieties. Maybe you do them out of order and that is okay. As long as you take that first step in admitting you have a fear. 

Fears in a Relationship...

    Do you have fears? If you say no I will tell you right now that you are lying!...Everyone has fears. Fears can be in and out of a relationship. It is okay to have fears, but don't let them ruin your happiness.

    If you are in a relationship and have fears I suggest you talk to your partner about them. Don't sugar coat it either. To have a happy and successful relationship you need to be able to talk to your partner about anything. They should be your first call even if it is just to vent. So let's talk about some fears...

Some fears are relationship fears. Such as

1. "He/she is going to leave me."
2. "I'm just know I'm going to get hurt."
3. "He/she won't be there for me when I need him/her."
4. "I'm not good enough."
5. "I'm a failure."
6. "I'm not pretty/handsome enough

    Some fears are things such as clowns, roller coasters. Maybe you have fears at work or every time your boss calls you to the office. Or maybe you have fears leaving your house or leaving your property that causes anxiety. In the end that is exactly what fear does to us. It makes our anxiety so bad it scares us so badly that it paralyzes us at times.  Maybe you're scared of driving or going on public buses. Or maybe you fear germs,spiders, or anything crawling. Maybe you get scared of being in a crash every time you get in a car or on an airplane. Maybe you are scared to be a parent. There are tons of fears out there in the world. Everyone has at least one

    If you have fears that can become so bad like that, you need to let your partner know. Fears can either be avoided or worked through though if you are willing to work through it. First you have to admit you have the fear...Tomorrow we will talk about how to overcome your fears.

Ways of spending quality time together

    Spending time with your loved ones is important. When you spend time together you learn more about someone. It is spending time together and being able to relax with one another. Do things you both enjoy and not worrying about the world. Such as work, bills, and other responsibilities. Time together is time where you get to grow together. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.

    For some quality time is their personal love language and if you don't give them your quality time they feel unloved. Quality time is a powerful and emotional connection. It is the togetherness. If you are doing something else and not paying attention to them you are not giving them your full attention which mean you aren't giving them your quality time. Ask them questions and listen. Actually listen. Don't disregard their feelings.

• Maintain eye contact
• Don't be distracted on your phone or other things when listening 
• Ask yourself how they are feeling (watch body language and facial expressions)
• While listening don't interrupt (when you do it says you don't really care) 

    So do you want to grow? If you do here are some ideas of how you can spend some quality time together...

• Have dinner together
• Fix things together (things around the house)
• Go for walks together (even if it is after dinner)
• Leave a message (text at a random time to let them know you are thinking of them)
• Do a big project together (build something together)
• Read together
• Plan monthly excursions (going to the zoo, a day trip somewhere new, play pokemon go in town together, go to a museum, try doing something new)
• Share family stories
• Talk about happy memories (as a child or even now)
• Go on a one on one date

    Everyone deserves to feel as if they are important so make sure you make time for the ones or one you love. Give your time and love.