Styles of Submission

    What styles of submission are there? Can you do it non-sexually?

    I am here to tell you that you can submit non-sexually easily. Want to know how? I can tell you...just continue reading....

    Ways to show your Dom/Sir/Master/Daddy submission non-sexually are by laying out his work clothes for the day if he wears a uniform, picking up the house if you are a stay at home, washing dishes, having dinner prepared for when he comes home. You could even wait by the door for them to come home and give kisses and hugs or by kneeling by the door till he enters. A lot of Dom's like when their submissive kneels. You could do little things for them such as refilling their drink if you see it is low or grab them a new one. Sitting or kneeling beside them when they sit somewhere. Sometimes the Dom will tell you to climb on his lap so he can cuddle you. I don't know about all you, but i love being held and cuddled by Sir. It is relaxing and you can feel the safety and protection even more when their arms are wrapped around you.

    A very high amount of D/S relationships are just in the bedroom. There are some relationships that are just about sex, and there are ones that are about everything in the lifestyle. If you are only interested in controlling someone in just the sexual aspect then you may just want to look for someone who likes the kinly sex and not someone who lives and breathes Dominance.

    When you are obedient and take on whatever role you need your Dom wants you to. Being a Submissive is entrusting your Dominate with all your well being. A Submissive can be a tool for the Dom to use one as they see fit.

    A Slave is to not have any desires. At all. A Slave should always be unquestioningly obedient and incredibly goal-oriented and unafraid to pursue that goal no matter what the obstacles. Being a Slave is a higher degree of protocol and lack of any emotions. A Slave should always know their duty and place. A Slave should be the most important and invisible at all times until called upon.

    Brats are more fun at times. Their job is to entertain their Dom, but it is very important that they can read their Dominant's moods and behaviors. The reason why is because if you don't know and you misbehave or prod at them it can lead to punishment. So make sure you can read your Dom well. If you can't then I suggest you learn your Dom's facial expressions and body language quickly before you mess up. A Brat's goal is to provide an opportunity for their Dom to punish them how they want, and then respond however they want. You got to remember though it is another type of role play.

    A Little is still a Submissive, but finds joy in embracing their inner child. When a Submissive is a little they will speak and behave in childish manners who accept comfort and guidance from their Dom in a way a child would be guided and protected by a parent.

    A Pet normally enjoys wearing ears and a tail of some kind. They also use collars and leashes, pet bowl, lick their Dom and play like a kitty. A pet should not speak, but rather communicate using body language and maintain as much contact with their Owner as possible


    Now as you can see these way are all non-sexual, but you can still do all the sexual stuff too of course.

Collars in a Relationship...

    Different Kinds of Collars have different meanings.

• Posture Collar
• Pet/Play Collar
• Protection Collar
• Chain Collar
• Ownership Collar
• Bracelet with lock
• Ankle collars
• Rings
• Branding
• Leather Collars

    A posture collar are fairly large and cover most of the neck. They are worn as a way to restrict the neck movements and enhance posture.

    A play collar are normally worn during a scene and tend to not have much meaning. 

    A protection collar is used when a Dom wants to show his submissive is protected. They are commonly used when going to kinky house parties or to dungeons. It lets other Dom's know that the Sub is not owned and that they are not free to touch. 

    A consideration collar is one of the first steps in showing the D/S relationship. It means the Submissive is being considered for a long term relationship, but it can also be taken away and revoked for any reason.

    A training collar shows that a Submissive is being trained by a Dom. It gives the Dom a taste of power that he has over the Submissive. 

    Ownership collars (also known as a formal collar or slave collar) are not to be taken lightly because it is the equivalent of giving a wedding ring and shows that the Submissive is owned. They are earned after a submissive is owned and that they have completed their training. If out in public it can be substituted with a day collar. 

    Some Dom's prefer to have their Submissive tattooed or branded, but that is more done in the Master/Slave dynamic. Collars should not be used as a game. It is not a lifestyle to play with. So if you have to ask yourself if the collar you're wearing is an ownership collar then it most likely isn't. You will definitely know when you are owned and wearing a collar of ownership because the Dom will tell you.

    A collar shows attachment. Collars are normally made with metal, leather or sometimes other material such as ribbons and chains. It is kind of similar to a wedding band in a vanilla society, but more is expected with a collar. A lot of collars have some kind of ring for a leash if one is used. Leashes are used to keep one close if it is connected to the collar or the bracelet. 

     

    Feelings about a collar are personal, but also obvious to ones around you. A collar defines your fundamental concepts of happiness and fulfillment of the Dominant. He can make you feel amazing effortlessly and he adores your collar as does everyone else everywhere you go who truly understand. Wearing a collar is an honor, a privilege. 

    If you are a Dom and see a Sub wearing a collar then you should not be making any advances towards them unless you have talked to the Dom of the Sub first. Most Dom's prefer to be talked to and asked first before anyone approaches the submissive. Never disrespect the relationship of the Dom's ownership.

    If you are a submissive and wearing a collar you should never take it off without the Dom's permission if it isn't locked. If you take it off during a disagreement though it is considered very rude and disrespectful. So be smart!!!

    For me a collar is a big deal, but the reason a collar is a big deal to me is because I was once married before. As I have mentioned before, but tons of promises were broken. Things were done that shouldn't have. So when Sir gave me my collar I cried because I felt and still feel honored that he chose me to not only marry, but collared me as well. It shows me that no matter what we will be together. I AM HIS and I BELONG to SIR, but he also BELONGS to me as well. I don't take it lightly and I never will. My heart and soul belong to Sir as does my body and because I know I can trust him fully I have no problem being his. I am proud to be Sir's Submissive. I am proud to be owned by him!!! 

    Now our children have no idea about our lifestyle, but they do of course see me wear my collar. I know one day they will ask, but I will not answer till we feel they are old enough to know and understand. 

Submission in a relationship...

    Dominance and Submission isn't a lifestyle for everyone. It is a relationship where one is given the higher power or control and lead them. It is something that can bring two closer. We have to let all our walls down though and be able to fully trust 100%.

    Submission is amazing when you are with the right person. It is a lifestyle choice, but also a way of living. You have to have communication for it to work though. You can't hold anything back or keep feelings silent. The D/S is a relationships that brings a couple together and closer. 
   
    A submissive is compliant, obedient, comfortable. It isn't everyone's nature to be a Submissive and that is okay. The Submissive is extra vulnerable and places tremendous trust in the dominant to respect their humanity. We want a happy relationship just like everyone else. Submissives want to laugh and enjoy things together with their Dominant. Some Submissives like being hurt and humiliated, but only in a consensual way. Sometimes it is the after care we look forward to.
   
    There is a huge misconception out in the world though. Somehow the world thinks that a Submissive's are somehow broken. It isn't true at all. In order to be a Sub you don't have to be broken at all. Are there Submissive's out there that are broken and do have some psychological issues? Then yes there are, but it takes a special Dominant to fix those. Another assumption is the Submissive's are weak and easy to treat as a doormat. That also isn't true.
    
    The power a Submissive gives to her Dominant is earned. It isn't taken or demanded. When Submissive's submit fundamentally the power of the dynamic remains with us. We can choose if we want to stop what is happening in a sexual scenario, or stop the relationship if we are not happy with it. Dom's can stop the relationship too.
   
   
 To me submission is a lot of things.

    I show my love to Sir by submitting to him and only him. When he comes home I greet him by the door or out by his truck and give him hugs and kisses. I always treat him as if he is a soldier coming home. Yes it is a song, but it is also how a man should be treated after working hard at work. Once he is in the house I bring him his drink (sweet tea) and dinner to him and then serve the children. Once he is all relaxed at his desk I will either sit by him, on the couch where he can easily see me. I like being in his line of sight though. Why do I stay in his eyesight? I do it because it is fun to look at one another and blow each other kisses and say I love you.
    
    Since we moved I have become a stay at home mom again. While Sir and the kiddos are at work I make the bed, pick up our room, pick up and clean the master bathroom and then I move out of the room to the living room area. I start with picking up his desk and organizing it, then I pick up the living room and after that I move to the kitchen. Wash up all the dirty dishes from breakfast, clean and scrub countertops. After that I clean off the stove; because let's face it...nobody likes cooking on a dirty stove. Onec that is all done I sweep, vacuum  and mop the kitchen floor and then I vacuum the living room. Once my daily "chores" are done I walk 6 miles on my treadmill while listening to a book on audible.
   
    I realize not everyone could or would do the things I do and it actually makes me feel more appreciated. I realize my train of thought is old fashion, but to me submitting to Sir is my way of showing him my submission, love and appreciation.

Now we will read what our Dom has to say about Submission...

Very few will ever understand how amazingly beautiful it is when your sub fully submits to you. As a Dom, I can say that this is not only the ultimate goal, but also the foundation upon which everything else is built. Submission does however, come with a price. It doesn't only take a strong woman, it takes someone who is secure within her femininity, who is pure of heart and has a clear mind, ready to accept whatever life brings her way. Now don't get me wrong, when I say submission is the ultimate goal I do not mean that once we have reached submission we are done, that is merely the stepping stone to taking things to the next level. Let's talk about what it takes to reach that point though. Call me old-fashioned but I feel like a woman should be treated like a princess at all times, she should be treated with kindness, respect, loyalty and the utmost of admiration. You open doors for your lady, you pull out her chair, you tell her she looks pretty even when she's sick. You tell her good morning and give her a kiss before you leave the house, you send her cute messages throughout the day, tell her you love her until you are sick in the stomach, and cannot wait to hold her when you get home. You stop by her favorite place to grab her flowers and a bath bomb for absolutely no reason, you grab a random bottle of wine because you know she enjoys it, you ask her to do something for you to get her out of the house if only for a moment so you can put candles around the tub and start that bubble bath for her. The misconception when people hear "Dominant" and "Submissive" is that, what I say goes, that she has absolutely no free will of her own and is to cater to my every whim. Often times people say completely asinine things like "it's just a way to control your partner" and while I can certainly respect their opinion, it is an opinion that has been drawn in ignorance and without any thought or consideration to how it may make a true submissive feel. The fact of the matter is a true submissive has her own free will, she can do any and everything she wants or has ever wanted to do, she CHOOSES to kneel before her Dom, she chooses to cater to the things that I like, she chooses to take care of me. She also does so without any sort of expectation other than that of which she has already been given, the love, the care, the respect, the admiration, and my unwavering pledge to protect her safety both physically and emotionally, at all costs. This lifestyle very much does come with a sexual component, but all of these fun little movies teach you about pain and what some would consider torture, being forced to do something even when you are scared, being tied to a gigantic wooden X and being whipped until you are beyond bruised and sometimes even bleeding. And while some of those things may in fact be fun, they do not fit into every single person's dynamic. What those movies will never show you is the more gentle side, him walking into the room with her kneeling before him, her head down ready to hear what he has to say and instead of an order, the low raspy tone of his voice saying "Stand up baby girl, tonight it's all about you, I want to show you exactly what you mean to me" as he gently takes her hand and leads her over to the bed, laying her down gently and kissing every inch of her body as he works his way up to those loving eyes staring back at him with nothing but the warmest of feelings behind them as they make passionate love for the next 2 hours. Submission is beautiful for many reasons, but none quite as much as knowing that your partner has now given you the 100% undeniable symbol of not only their love and affection for you, but they're trust in you as a man, as a lover, as a provider and a caregiver. No matter how large or small your role within the lifestyle happens to be, the bond that is shared between Dom and sub is the most beautiful thing on the planet...

 Now when a collar is brought into the picture things change, but there is also more expected. More respect. We will go into collars within the next couple of days. 

Stages of Intimacy

    So there are stages and levels to everything in life...There just isn't a way around that fact.

    So what are these stages I keep talking about???

    I am talking about Infatuation, Landing, Burying, Resurfacing and Love.

  Infatuation is something that makes your dopamine levels high. This dopamine if high enough will make you feel like you are on a different planet. This can be done by simple touches, kisses, hugs....It is like being high on heroin, but sooooo much better. You feel safe, wanted, needed, but I don't know how to explain it, but once it stops I slowly land and come back down and am in the world again.

Landing can feel light and sweet. It is where we see clearly.

Burying isn't always a bad thing, but it where all the lists come toppling over it is where things show that need to be worked on. Focusing on who is doing laundry, who is doing dishes...how boring.  It is a sign that the relationship is real though, but you also have to remember to unbury yourself as well. Take lessons to something new, buy some sex toys, tie yourself to a bedpost or grab some whips. Do something you like, but allows you to also take a break.

Now Resurfacing is where all those feelings you once forgot all come swimming back. He's amazing or she is stunning. It is like a mixed bag of candies or as Forest Gump says "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what ones you'll get". You gotta look forward to having dates together again and find that time to spend together to keep the flame going.

Now that last stage is love...

    Love is where you are in awe of one another. You can look at one another and think Oh my goodness...I am the luckiest person in the world. You can walk by them and just giggle and blush. Or see their picture pop up on your cell...and you basically become a little school girl just because you are excited to hear from your partner. It is really amazing the feelings you feel and the way your mind thinks when you are in love. It is joking together and laughing together. It is where you can pick on one another and know it is all fun and games, but it is only fun and games till someone gets hurts. So don't fall to hard off your chair or walk into things. lol. You do that and you're asking to get made fun of. Enjoy your relationship. Don't make it like others. Let it be your own thing and grow it into something beautiful together.


#FamiliesAreForever
#TrueLoveLives

Relationships topics to talk about before it's to late

    Now there are many topics out there, but there are a few topics that don't get talked about or discuss until it is to late. I am here to help you talk about those topics...

   If you have any chance of having a successful relationship then you have to be able to communicate. You have to take the steps to fix your relationship. Topics that should be talked about before y'all start dating are...

Trust: If you don't trust you need to tell your partner why. You need to work on doing what you can to learn how to trust again. If you two are keeping secrets because you don't want the other person to hurt then you do not trust them enough to tell them how you truly feel. A lot of people don't talk about their trust issues till it is to late and trust is broken and can't be fixed. It can be fixed though as long as you communicate to one another honestly. Trust only works if there is communication and trust.

Goals: This topic should be talked about often because as we grow we change. Therefore our goals may change too. With these goals though it is about your career. What are your goals with the company? Where do you want to improve? Do they want to get married? Do they want kids? Are kids an option? Short term goals should be revised about every few months.   As long as you are upfront about your goals as you come up with them there is a good chance of growth being formed between you two. When you feel good about hitting goals it helps to also boost your self confidence and when you hit your goal with your partner there is even more reason to celebrate.

Past Relationships: Honestly I don't want to personally know about them. I don't like knowing numbers. Personally it drives me crazy, but that could be because my number is so low because I am crazy shy and scared. I also grew up knowing the only ones who would get lucky I would end up marrying. I also don't like talking about my past before Sir though because it was hell. So we leave it with the thought that Sir is my first, only, and my last.  That is how I think about Sir's past too though. I am his first and last and to me that is all that matters.
    Anywho it is something that does need to be talked about. Some are still close with an ex or two or maybe something happened that they need you to know so they can understand you better or deeper. It gives you the chance and opportunity to ask questions. Some partners will find tests and have you answer questions that way. It is kinda fun.

Feelings: You have got to be honest about your feelings. Be up-front and let your partner know how you feel. If feelings aren't talked about and discussed then you won't get far. If you need to vent, then be like...hey I need to vent can you come listen? I just need you to listen. If they go with you great. If they say let it loose or spill it then you know you are good to talk and express how you are feeling. Some will let you vent, but not listen. Those people have work to do on them before they can make any relationship work. Always strive to be honest with each other in all areas of life. Don't worry or stress about the reaction you may get. So think about your relationship and where you can work to make things better and improve.

Intimacy/sex: Now you may be one of those who thinks why is sex and intimacy important? Well if there is no intimacy then there is no build up to the sex and fact is everyone likes to have fun working up to the sex. Sex is great. It is a time where you get to really bond and become one. Now granted vanilla sex is boring for some. There is nothing wrong with adding a little kink into the bedroom or to the life.
    When you can talk with your partner and tell them hey things are a little boring could we try this? Then that is great. It also shows you aren't scared to communicate that there is an issue in the bedroom. Now some might be standoffish and not tell their partner how they feel. If that is the case then you do not trust them enough to have this serious conversation and your sex life will continue failing till you two either talk about it or end up splitting.
     Now intimacy isn't just about sex though. It is about the connection. It is about how you feel when you look deep into their eyes, it's about the thoughts behind everything being done to get you happy and on cloud 9. Now people say it doesn't exist. i am here to tell you in fact that it does and when you find that right person you are going to feel things you have never felt before and it is going to be amazing. There are different stages of intimacy. Bet you didn't know that though did you?
    The stages are great and all different in their own ways. There is infatuation, landing, burying, resurfacing and love. We will get into that more soon though. Our souls crave intimacy. Sometimes we look for it elsewhere without even knowing it or meaning to. Is it because of our desire for sex, loneliness, desperation??? I want you to think about that till we talk about the stages more.
   
Finances/money: Do you talk about where money is coming in from or where it is going? I mean you have your earnings and then you have your bill, but where else does the money go? Are you putting some away for a rainy day, is any going into savings? Are you saving for the day your children go to college? You two need to agree on a budget so you can both have a say, have some fun on dates. Do something where you two can be equally involved with one another.

Don't get me wrong there are many more topics and I will hit them. If you think I need to hit something sooner leave your idea in a comment for me and I will work my magic.


#Communication

#FamiliesAreForever

#RelationshipsTakeHardWork

Mental Illnesses in a relationship...

    Now there are many mental disabilities. Some of us have one. Some of us have a few and some of us....well we have a lot. Now I am not here to put anyone down. So don't get me wrong on what I have to say. It is just my opinion...

    Here is a list to help you identify some:

•   Anxiety Disorder
• A.D.H.D. (
• A.D.D.
• Anxiety Disorder ( anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobias)
• Mood Disorder
• Eating disorder (Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder)
• Psychotic Disorder
• O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
• P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Sexual and Gender Disorder
• Tic Disorder (Tourette's Syndrome)
• Epilepsy Disorder (Seizures)

    There are many kinds of mental illnesses out there. Sometimes we can work with our partner if they have a disorder, but only if they are really truly ready to get the help they need. 

    I have seizures. I have major Depression, Seasonal Depression, A.D.D./A.D.H.D.. I also have an eating disorder and P.T.S.D.. I am not broken by any means. I have come to terms with all of my things. I also work on all of them though because I care about my family. In fact I have been taking a lot of time lately to work on me and be who I want to be. I also have finished school and achieve things that I never thought I could do. Myself esteem is way up now too. I'm shining and it is all because of Sir!!!

Mental health issues such as the ones I have listed can all ruin a relationship. I know for me personally my anxiety gets bad as soon as I am left alone somewhere. Such as the store, public events, once I'm off my property it kicks in. Now as long as Sir is close I am good, but once he leaves my side my brain freaks out and worries. Not that he will leave me, but that something could happen. Depression can ruin lots of things. Mood, sex drive, keeping house clean. Once a sex life does it is hard to find a good groove again. 

    So if you feel yourself feeling a little blah then go treat yourself and do something that'll make you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.

    If you don't find time to work on you when you have any mental illness it can get worse and possibly eventually in time ruin your marriage. I honestly hope that is never the case. Sometimes we can only fight so long though before we are to tired and want to give up though. So please find away to respect us and like/love us even though we are different. We do require more patience so hopefully you have some stacked away somewhere.

#YouMatter

#FamilyFirst

#MentalDisabilitiesIsReal

    

Letter to parents...

    Look I get it....being a parent isn't easy and taking in one or more that aren't your own can be hard too, but parents it is VERY important that you let your child know you are there for them and that they can talk to you about anything. Once the teenage years hit it is harder for us to trust and want to put that wall back down.

    I know it wasn't easy for Rainbow or Grey Clouds. Coconut only belonged to Rainbow. Coconut never knew her real father. Wasn't like she would have had a say anyways. Rainbow never knew how  down, Grey Clouds talked to Coconut when she wasn't around. Told her she would never graduate and would be a dropout, that she wasn't wanted and that she was a burden. Little did Coconut know that one day everything she had been through would make her marriage stronger and happier. Everything she had been through in this life has made her the woman she is today. 
   
    Everyday she strives to be the best she can be. She does her best to hear how proud her man is of her for all her hard work. She isn't making money, but her keeping the house clean, dishes caught up on, cooks meals. She has a goal everyday to make her man happy with not her body, but the house. Every woman should want to be the best and do the best she can for her man.

    Not every marriage is happy. Some are broken. Some are in denial. Some are only still together because of the kids.

   Parents you do need to be friends with your children. That friendship is where we build our foundation with our kids. You don't need to be a best friend to your child, but you do need to build their trust so that they know you are there for them. You don't need to best friend though. You still need to be able to put down your foot only when it is needed. When they hit their teenage years though that is when the kids will really want their dad. To drive them to school functions and we all know you want to be there when she picks out a dress to make sure it isn't to immodest. Cause who honestly wants their little girl running off to a dance in something little? I know I don't. Parents look for those little things that might be big things to her. If you have a boy they are just as hard because you don't want them getting their heart broken. I know I am guilty of holding my children back at times. It is because I only want the best for them. You don't want them knowing how ugly the world is out there, but at the same time...they need to know that way they can prepare for it. Always be there for your child. No matter how mad at them you may be you need to let them know that you love them and are proud of them. It easy for anyone to ever open up. I wish I would have talked to my Mom more as a child and a teen. I wish I would have told her how I was feeling. I wish I would have done thing different for sure, but as parents and we can't change the past, but we can change the future. So be there for your child and let them know you are proud of them. Even if it is over something simple.

    If you are parents that are separated then try and get along for your kid's sake. Also if the kid finds their missing parent don't get mad. Let them know it's okay if that is what they need to do if they need that closure. Don't fight with one another in front of the kids. It shows the children how unstable the home is. If you are the missing parent...then just take things day by day. Get to know each other and try to build a friendship that was never there. If you don't try you'll never know what could have been and then you'll end up regretting it.






Now I have a lot of things going on right now so my blogs might slow down a little, but I am hoping not and that I can stay in the groove that things are going right now.

Friendships...

    Yup friendships are a type of relationship...

 So how many of you have a best friend? Do you have one best friend or many? How long have they been in your life? How well do they know you? Do they know who you really are inside and out?

    As a kid our best friends are supposed to be our parents. Once we hit second grade we start making friends and find a best friend in school. My second grade best friend has known me since we were kids. We still talk here and there, but nowhere near as much we did as kids. When one moves you gotta start over...not always an easy task. In your teens you eventually find a new best friend because a lot in life is changing. Once everyone is all graduated everyone goes their separate ways, but what about when you are in a really dark place in your mind? Do you have a person who is ALWAYS there for you to lend an ear, a shoulder, a phone call, a body?!?!?! 

    I do...and I want to tell you about her. She is amazing. If I was a guy I wouldn't let her go. As a gal I still keep her. She has a great job and totally supports herself. See she came into my life when I had told my Heavenly Father that I wanted a better life for my kids. I was a mess in my head. I was leaving my ex, living on my own with 3 girls, and was looking for work. Well I met her at church one day. I have a big heart and didn't like her sitting by herself so I asked if I could sit next to her and keep her company. Well one day lead to more Sunday's and getting to hang out. Well one day she got a little crazy and hired me. Lol. 
    Now don't get me wrong working for her was great. I loved the job, I loved the area because it was in the middle of nowhere, but it wasn't for me so she let me go. Now when she did this she made sure I knew that she didn't want it to ruin our friendship. 
        A few days after she let me go my oldest passed away during her sleep from a seizure. I didn't know who else to call. I was broken. I had my boyfriend and her to hold me that day. Later my Mother and Step-Dad made it. It was to late though and they had already placed my girls where I knew it wouldn't be safe. So I fought hard to get my girls back home. There she was....by my side along with Sir. There to support me. Nobody had seen me broken till that moment in my life. 
    Many years later she is still my number one call after Sir. The fact that she has been there during the hard times and is still by my side today means a lot. Right now even today I am changing and she is coming to terms with it because it is who I am. She was apart of me and came as a part of me when I decided to finally start my family again. Yup...if he couldn't accept her as my kids Aunt then they weren't staying. She at the time knew me better than I knew myself. Now I get to show her how much I paid attention all these years with her next journey. One day I will be taking pictures of her at her wedding and crying tears. She is going to make someone a very happy and lucky man.

    Not everyone has a person, but if Sir wasn't around she is who I would call my person and honestly we all need a person because as we grow up and mature we need to know we have someone we know we can always trust. With me being me and having a big heart I try to be there for others when they need someone to talk to or lean on. I like helping fix. Marriages for instant...No marriage is perfect, but if you come to me for advice I am there. I don't believe in giving up. Especially when it comes to family. 

    What if you have family that is missing? I am not talking about death though. We lose people to death everyday when we are old or young. Although being able to prepare for it helps we can't always get that option.

   What if you find them and want to build at least a friendship with them? What if you aren't enough for them? What if they don't like you?  What if you weren't told information to keep you safe? What do you do when you feel a part of you has been missing for years and you find it? What if you make a move and leave the ball in their court?!?!?! 

    I honestly don't know what to tell you or myself in this case because I don't know my biological father at all. I couldn't find any information on him and didn't even know where to start since you can't just get into U.S. Navy information...lol. Now I started asking questions when I was 11. I got a name!!! It was a first name, but it was a start. So I knew a name and knew he was in the Navy. Then one day years later I heard the Kellie Pickler song "I Wonder". In the song it is talking about her Mom, but to me I would sing it as if I was singing it to my father. I still do to this day too. It hurts to say that because my Step-Dad held me through some of my seizures, but once I really needed a Dad he wasn't there the way I needed him. He didn't and doesn't know my love language. My heart has been broken many times over the years, don't get me wrong and I know I wasn't an easy kid or teen because of all the bullying I was going through and never told them about because I had hoped it would go away, but it never did. The scar on my face, my weight, the clothes I wore....I was NEVER good enough for the kids in school. So all in all I HATED school!!! I hated going home just to be in my room because my grades were failing because I couldn't understand the material no matter how hard I tried. I have to try a lot harder than the normal person. My brain is not where it should be. So I NEED people to have that extra patience with me. I needed that praise on the little things since I couldn't do the big things. 

 Now almost 32 years later there is still a door that still sits there untouched waiting to see if anyone will ever knock on it's door. 
     
    22 years later I finally found someone who I was finally enough for. He makes me smile even when we were states apart. He took time to get to know me and I have recently put a ball back in someone's court. Now I have to wait to see what they do.  Waiting is the worst lol. I have already waited so many years and now I still gotta wait. When someone takes the extra time to know you though in the end they become worth it. I am still learning things about my Husband and maybe it is because I forget because on my memory issues, but he still treats it as if it is the first time of me finding out. He doesn't make me feel dumb. Sometimes forgetful, but all in fun. His family all love me and treat me as one of the family. I found where I am accepted. He tells me when he is proud of me. His Mom tell me too. Even if it is just picking stuff up around the house or cooking something new. I got acceptance as a kid from my Mom, my Auntie, Granny and Grandma. 
    
    My Grandma I swear was the glue at some point. Once she passed everything started falling apart. I don't blame her for it falling apart though. She left us all unexpectedly. i remember tanning in my their boat with her. Tea time...my first virgin drink...omgoodness those were sour lol. All my memories with her are happy though. 

    My Mom and I have had some hard times(all my fault), but she has always been there. Mother and Daughter dates at Home Depot were a blast. Trips to the cabin in the summer, walks on the trains tracks (even though the tunnel scared me),  I have many good memories with my Mom as well and well last is my favorite Auntie...

 Now my Auntie is amazing and has an amazing man, great kids who I am very grateful for to have in my life. All my memories with them are great too. 4th of july's in their yard, Family Thanksgiving and Christmas get togethers...football games!!! Oh my goodness I love how much they get into the games! I love watching sport games with people who can get into the games. It just makes it more fun. We used to celebrate my birthday on Thanksgiving. Yup...happy memories. 

    Now I am in a house with land and I now do my holidays at home with my little family that I made. I love cooking for the holidays and having family over. It is more relaxing than driving somewhere at times.

    Friendships are the foundation of your relationships. It doesn't matter if you are a friend or parent (ANY FAMILY MEMBER) you do need that foundation strong. Let your children, nieces, nephew's,  know you are there for them. You as a parent or whatever don't need to be your child's friend, but they do need to know that you are there for them. They need to know even if they are all in their heard that they can turn and talk to you. If your child can't trust you then they won't turn to you. 

    Now today is all about best friends...But I want you to think in your head...Do I have a person? Do you have a best friend? Do you have someone who shines you and helps you show your worth? Do you have that special person you can to no matter what??? Do you have someone who ALWAYS has your back? Are you someone else's safe place? If not how can you apply yourself to let someone know and to prove to them that you are there for them. 

    I am here for many people. All different reasons and some the same reasons. I am so happy to be their safe place that they can go to. It is an honor to know that somewhere in life you were their person and that you got to help them. Helping others is a way of paying it forward. Anyone else here seen that movie??? Yeah I thought so. So while the outside world is cruel and ugly so them the kindness and love that you have to share. 


    So my challenge is this...
        
       Get to know someone you don't know. If you haven't talked to family, then put the ball in their court and see what they do. Random acts of kindness are the best way to pay it forward. It doesn't have to be anything huge. It could be as simple as a text, passing someone and smiling, maybe covering someones groceries if they are short a few dollars...Maybe you have new neighbors...What you do on this planet now is what matters now and could affect the future in a good way...

    Now if you have a good foundation you can lean on each other. Need that person at 2am? Who is it? Do you know for sure that they will pick up? I know I'll pick up...

What’s a deal breaker for you in a relationship???

What’s a deal breaker for you in a relationship (whether that relationship is romantic, platonic, career, or otherwise)?

belittling: Putting you down talking down to you

Lying: Keeping secrets from you, not telling the truth, telling white lies

Cheating: Sleeping around behind your back

Lack of communication: Not talking to you, holding back feelings or things you want to say

Puts work before Family: Gives more attention to work rather than spending time with their family.

Drug and Alcohol addiction: That one is pretty straight forward

Abuse/ anger issues: Gets mad over little things, yells instead of talks

Health Issues: STD's (sexually transmitted disease)

Poor Hygiene: Doesn't wash body or hair often, wears dirty clothes, smells of body oder

Racist: Yeah I am not even gonna get started here you all know what this one is

Bad in bed: Doesn't know how to work their member or body. No game

Spends to much time on video games: Puts games before others

Lazy: Doesn't help around the house or do things you have asked

No sense of humor: Well if they can't make you laugh ain't nothing even there

Low sex drive: Doesn't think or want sex often

Stubborn: Hard headed

Talks to much: Could be about themself or work, or just in general

Is to quiet: Shy. Doesn't talk much

Doesn't want kids/ Wants kids: That is a personal one

To blunt: No filter

Low Self-Esteem: Always thinks bad about hemself

Too needy: Wants attention every 5 seconds. All attention on them all the time

Smokes cigarettes/cigars: This is a personal one. Sometimes you can quit and sometimes they don't

Doesn't like music: Well they are just crazy if this is the case.

Never on time: Always late

Not wanting to hangout with family: Red Flag

Never wants to meet family: Red Flag

Bad Manners: Doesn't open doors for you, farts and doesn't say excuse me, burps loud and doesn't excuse themself, elbows on table when eating, swears a lot, gets to drunk in public

Can't keep a job long: Can't hold a job long

Obsessed with money: Focuses on money and not family

Selfishness: Always thinks about themself first

I mean the list can go on an on. If we wanted to, we could easily find reasons to make our relationships fail and break. I mean I left one marriage due to many of these reasons and then some, but I also knew we were never going to work and at a point in time I was okay with that. I am still okay with him and i not working because I have found better.

I knew what I didn't want and he was it. Sir on the other hand understood what I didn't want in our relationship and so since he respects me and I respect him so we do our best to keep those issues out of our marriage and relationship. He also has deal breakers and one day I put myself in a situation where I just wasn't thinking. I was thinking I want to be there and listen and help someone, but with the person being over when Sir was not home was not smart on my end. The time the person was over didn't help my case either. I drank with this person and we talked, but nothing ever happened. I almost lost Sir though. I almost lost him because I was not thinking. All I was thinking at the time was I wanted the person to have someone to talk to because sometimes thinking and talking are the best medicine when one is down and low. We have worked past it and have agreed to never talk about it. It wasn't easy for him to move past it, but I eventually earned his trust back.

Anyways...sometimes some of these are things that can be worked on and or changed and some...well...they just stay on the...nope list and that is okay. Deal breakers are exactly that...Deal Breakers

Platonic friendships between men and women...

    So I have been asking for ideas with the blog about things friends and relationships and this topic was one of them. So I am going to tell you how I view it, the issues it can cause and some other fun facts.


    Now I am a woman. That is obvious if you have seen my picture. Or if you know me in person. Well growing up and even now I will admit I do NOT have many gal friends and the reason why is because they are drama. Now don't get me wrong. The few that I do have and keep close are far from that, but there is a reason. Girls are like guys, but in their own ways....Okay follow me for a second (totally heard my bro in-law's voice there for a second lol)...girls always have to look good. ALWAYS!!! It is crazy. Oh you don't have this...oh then you aren't good enough. Or you aren't this weight or this small. Oh you don't have tons of money. Or maybe they are fighting over guys. Believe it or not it happens and it is stupid! No offense. 

   Girls are just as bad as guys in areas. Like when they compete in a race or something. Now mind you I do love a good round of Mario games with the family and the fact i know when we play it is all fun in games makes it even more fun, but when you are around ones who will put you down along the way well...you just wanna get away from those. 

    Competitions are fun, but only if everyone keeps it fun. Some can just get down and dirty and not care who they tear down along the way. Yeah those are people you also don't want to be around. 

   Now why do I get along with guys better?!?!?! It is easy...yes some can flirt, but it is never taken to heart since I have been with Sir. I am a natural flirt. I don't mean to though if it is towards others. In my eyes it was just always me being nice. If I can see things going too far I stop them as soon as I notice something. 

   If you find the right guys though you can talk to them about anything. It is just like having a best girlfriend, but less drama. Now I have had friends that just saw it as me somehow being slutty, but that isn't it at all. In fact my "sluty" number is low. Lower than a lot of you readers and i am okay with that. Only two people I know are lower than me, but that is because they haven't been with anyone yet. I respect that. I am okay with my number though. Hint...I married the ones I have slept with. So if I have divorced one and am in a second marriage then....well there ya have it (oh shoot I hear Ma in my head now too lol) Honestly she is a good one. So that's okay. ALL my in-laws are amazing. They are thee nicest family I have ever met. I get to be me. It is like I am free around them. I can be me and not worry about being judged. 

   Back to the topic though...
I feel when I am around guy friends I am respected more. They are also guys who I know would have my back in a heartbeat if anything ever happened to me. I have more support now in these last few years than ever before. I know I can count on them. Most my friends are also military...Why??? Simple I feel safer around them than civilians. I do have a few civilian friends though. Due to my past though they all know how low my trust is and how high that was is to get over and only a few have gotten over it. I try to keep them close though.

   Now being friends with the opposite sex can get messy if there is no trust between the two of you. A lot of times that is exactly the issue. Maybe they gave you a good reason not to trust them though. Now I know with Dum-Dum he has friends of the opposite sex and since he cheated I didn't trust him. I still don't trust him though. Once one cheats ALL the trust is dead and gone. 

   Sir works with people so I kinda had to let my trust lead the way there. It is a great thing that trust is one of the first things we built while in different states. When I get iffy I ask Sir what he would do if he was in certain situations. He told me he would excuse himself, call boss man and leave the job site till someone else was to be there with him so he could eventually still finish the job. He is well aware of why I have trust issues, but he has no problem assuring me that he would never cheat on me and in the 9+ years we have been together he has never cheated on me. Not even once. I love how we can talk about anything though.

   I may be a married woman, but Sir knows he can trust me. Which is why he trusts me around other guys. Now if the guy messes up and makes a wrong move I will remind them that it isn't okay. If they mess up they are gone. It is just that simple. I have to much love and respect to mess anything up with Sir.  

   This is definitely a subject that will make you think hard and really look at what is going on. If you are NOT comfortable with friends of the opposite sex then you two need to really sit down and talk.



Now we are going to do a guys point of view. 


    Friends of the opposite sex. As a moderately successful businessman, I find it important to be able to assess and realize what somebody is truly looking for, faster than most normally would. Lots of people in this world will tell you that they want what is best for you however they have their eye on what is in your pants and no, I'm not talking about your sex organ, this time I'm talking about your money.

Me personally, I find it much easier and more rewarding to have female friends, females are genuinely happy for you when you succeed, they are not in competition with you and the better you do, the happier they genuinely are for you. Men always find themselves in competition, look at the age-old debate of "mine is bigger than yours" that's right, to a good majority of men out there size is all that truly matters, however any REAL woman will tell you, it's the way you work the controls that truly matters. But again, women do not see you as competition. When you do well for yourself, they see you as being successful and accomplishing your goals where as a good majority of men, will find a way to belittle and one-up you. This is where things always get tricky. While in a monogamous relationship and having friends of the opposite sex, there is always the possibility of somebody getting jealous. I personally do not deal with jealousy nor do I choose to function with jealous people and here's why. The best friend I've ever had in the world happened to be a very attractive 23 year-old female. Me being 33 myself, there is a decent offset in age and where mainstream media will tell you that an older gentleman getting with a younger female is THE DREAM, that could not be farther from the truth. See this particular friend was not only young, not only attractive, but focused, had her head in the game, screwed on quite tightly if I might add. She was career-oriented and driven, she did not like anything unless it was new and shiny so she worked hard for it. Given the circles that we both ran in, and my uncanny ability to pick up and travel anywhere I wanted at the drop of a dime, we spent quite a bit of time together. Her boyfriend at the time was a very very good friend of mine and there was nothing I wouldn't do for that man, as such he often pawned her off on me, had me take her to run errands even as simple as going to the bank or grabbing us all something to eat for the evening. We all traveled cross-country together, we had an absolute blast, I was her big brother so to speak and I protected her well-being, but that became intimidating to some people. While we are all our own biggest critic, I am somewhat of a handsome person and have a lot more to offer in not only the looks and financial department, but I also believe in Traditional Values and being a gentleman at all times in which this particular guy certainly does not. I would open doors for her and certainly make sure that if it were raining she had access to my umbrella as opposed to myself, that was my "little sister" so of course I made sure her interests were protected before my own. Many occasions we were out at a bar or a dancehall and some guy would slide his way in close to her and start talking to her from something as simple as a tattoo or blatantly hitting on her to which my default response was standing between them and wrapping my arm around her to see if she was ready to go. It had always been seemingly well-received that I was looking out for her and acting as her protector because I treated her as if she were my own as the ultimate sign of loyalty to my friend whom she was dating. As my best friend we were in contact constantly, I spoke to her daily, sometimes we would be on the phone during her lunch break, other times a simple hello in the morning and a good night later that evening. But there was not any given length of time where we were not in contact with each other, when their relationship fell on hard times it was I she came to for comfort and advice. Unfortunately that was the beginning of the end for our friendship as the jealousy started to rain down like a category 5 hurricane.

You see when you deal with a man who is insecure in his own masculinity, you will always find the potential for jealousy, to be jealous is to be afraid that somebody is going to take something from you, and even though my intention was never to take anything from him, if anything were to have been taken it was because of the fact that he pushed us together with his own laziness and unwillingness to do anything for himself, he is the reason we became Inseparable, he is the reason we became best friends and I would have had it no other way. While she was my very best friend and is now no more than a stranger with memories, I would turn around and be her friend all over again, in an absolute heartbeat before ever seeking comfort in someone of the same sex. Through the rise and fall of my success never once did she try to get in my pocket, never once did she ask for free products even though she was very much involved in the type of products I offered. when I had received news of a large deal closing and that deposit hit my account, I had offered to pay for dinner as a celebratory gesture of my own success to which she politely declined and actually ended up covering the bill in its entirety. When I did well we celebrated together, and when things looked bleak, she was there to tell me to keep my head up because things were going to get better. Did I love that girl, absolutely, but did that mean I had a romantic interest in her or we had to sleep together? Absolutely not. And while I do very much miss my best friend as I have yet to find anybody else who pales in comparison, it is one of the risks we certainly take when having friends of the opposite sex..

   So in the end when it comes to being friends with the opposite sex it all comes down to one thing...Do you truly trust them?

The R word in a Relationship

    Mmhmmm...it is possible. Some spouses don't want us knowing either. I am here to let you know and I am here to tell you to stand your ground. Do not fear them and file against them!!! Their asses deserve to be locked up forever and their junk chopped off, but that is me. You are probably thinking what the heck are you talking about. What R word?!?!?! I am talking about Rape.

    Many years ago there was this girl. She had at one point thought she was in loved with a guy. Every time he abused he she would forgive him thinking he would change and that things would get better. I had chatted with her many times. Well during their divorce he came over to get their kids and he forced himself upon her. With her not being strong enough to fight him off he still kept trying to push him away and get away. As he kept forcing himself upon her. She cried and threw up on one of her comforters. He finished, grab their kids and left. She was broken. She was in shock. She couldn't believe what had just happened to her. She was starting to finally shine after leaving him and then he did that and it just broke her. She didn't know what to do. So she talked to her neighbor and they went out. Oh how she wishes she would have called the cops instead. When she was a little tipsy she then told her guy friend what had happened and since he was in another state couldn't do anything. He was pissed though. He wanted her far away from him and wanted to be there to protect her. He felt like he had failed her because he wasn't there to protect her. Well when she went to go file he had already told someone that she would be making the call. Soooo what struck me as weird was if he did that and told them it was fabricated before her? Then she said he went into hiding. Someone eventually found him, but since she couldn't file she now doesn't tell anyone her address or any information because she never wants to be near him again. I can't say I blame her either. So he no longer gets to know where she lives and if he ever finds her she will pick up and move again.


    When one is raped it ruins them for a long time. It is like they still have this power that just can't be shaked. You here his name or read it and your hands start shaking and your breathing is lost because you forget to breathe. Don't let them have that power. Take their power away and file and fight.

    If there is ANY unwanted touching sexually it is considered rape. Do NOT let them win!!!

Communication in a Relationship...

    Now in a relationship...ANY relationship. It could even be a friendship!!! No matter what you two need to listen to one another with an open mind. Ask about each others day. Ask them what all they did today. When you can communicate you build a foundation. When you don't communicate things will start to crumble. When that happens things go sour in the relationship. If that happens and you want to stay with the one you are with you then you need to rebuild your foundation and start dating again and spending time together to talk and get to know stuff about each other. Give each other yout time. Don't fight and argue or yell. It is NEVER worth the time. If you never communicate not only does your relationship start to fall apart, but it makes them feel like they are on the back burner.

    Nobody likes being put on the back burner. It makes the person feel like they aren't important. Like they no longer matter. Asking about their day, what they did, ask if anything exciting happened. Maybe you have been wanting something for the house and your spouse went out and found something that works...It shows he listened. Sometimes we feel like others don't listen, but if you want good communication you need to be opened minded and truly listening. If you are listening you can respond and that means you guys are communicating.

   Say you aren't happy with your partner...do you vent to someone else before communicating to your spouse??? Do you let your partner know how you really feel??? If not then that is who you should be going to and that's a change you need to start making. Your partner should always be the first one you talk to. Once you do that it is always best to turn to the person you trust most, but not before.

    I can't stress enough that communication truly is important to stabilizing your relationship. The more communication the more honesty and the healthier the relationship.

Love Language in a Relationship

    Here's a topic that might get some of you thinking. Like what the heck is a love language?!?!

   Maybe you heard of  Gary Chapman and his 5 Love Languages. Reading this book has changed my life. It changed the way I look at people. Like I actually look for their love language so I can connect with them and understand them. Everyone has a different love language. I also recommend reading the book called "Love & Respect" (we will get to that one too)

    Physical Touch: Now I am not talking about just in the bedroom touching. Although it is great if your partner is amazing in bed and the relationship is great, but I am talking about the little things. Like hand holding, arm holding, pats on the back, a soft touch to their face. You have to nurture who you are with. 

    Words of Affirmation: Build your partner up!!! Hearing "I love you" is very important. Say hey I appreciate you, I thank you, You're amazing!!! Anything nice that you tell your partner believe it or no, but it builds them up. You gotta build.

    Quality Time: Give your partner your undivided attention when they are talking to you. It won't kill you to turn your cell off or set it down, but NEVER put someone else above your partner. Spend time with your partner. Go for walks, hikes, read together...or maybe you don't need all that  and just spending time with them in the same room is all that matters so you can see them and cat call them all you want. Lol. Sir cat calls me all the time. He knows it makes me blush. Only if he does it though. Anyone else would just get ignored. Lol. 

    Receiving gifts: Gifts are great!!! I mean who doesn't love getting a gift from someone. I get sent gifts and I appreciate whoever sent it. Not because they spent money on me, but because they thought of me. Gifts can be as simple as something homemade. Or extra cuddles. I like cuddles, but I can't cuddle with everyone. That would be weird. It already sounds weird lol. If your partner wants huge amount of money spent on them then you got yourself a gold digger. Congrats!!! Those will run your wallet thin. It is people's love language though. Some So you gotta watch them and really learn about your partner. A gift can mean a lot if thought is put into it. You should always feel prized. Gifts are the visual way to show your love. So truly treasure your gifts from you loved ones.

Acts of Service is the last one. 

    Acts of Service: If your partner stays at home and isn't feeling well help out around the house and do things you wouldn't normally do. Say "hey let me get that for you" and help them. If they ask for help. Just help. You may not want to, but in the end it means a lot to your partner. Laziness, broken promises anything like that can ruin a relationship soooo...be smart and keep your word and all your promises and commitments. 

Knowing your partner's love language is very important. If you can't connect with them your relationship will fail. I'm sorry, but it is a fact. If your foundation in your relationship isn't built right it will crumble and end up in a divorce. So learn your partner. Inside and out because in the end it really matters. 

    Well that is all I got for now. Chat with ya all tomorrow. Please remember to share the blog with friends and family.