This topic is because there are other gals out there who are just as blind as I was as a kid and growing up. I think had I been smart like Daddy Long Legs I would have done things totally differently.
This gal started dating a guy in high school. They went and saw a movie. Well sort of....there was a lot of making out lol. It was and still is a cute movie even though she wanted to hate it so much. They went and hung out at the bowling ally. Hung out with friends. He even came to the school and walked home with her a few times. It was always nice to walk back then. It is still nice to just go for walks now too, but that is getting off topic. When Dum-Dum had her move in with him and the roommate she went. They became hard to separate. The sex...well there was a lot. So she was happy. She was definitely in lust over the guy. They were always spending time together. Then she got pregnant. They moved into their own place to raise the twins, but he had friends move in and then drugs were brought into the home and then eventually Dum-Dum put her on the back bummer and made her feel unwanted and unloved. He didn’t want to give her attention anymore because she had to grow up and be a parent. Well enough was enough. She asked him if he wanted her to stay or leave. She told him if she left she wasn’t coming back to him. She never did either, but his ass came running back to her. Every time things didn’t go his way she got the attention and it wasn’t nice at all. It started with hard arm grabbing and pushing her back into walls really hard. Yelling/shouting in her face while swearing up and down and belittling her every chance he got. Happy moments were gone.
What she never knew was that when she realized her name wasn’t on any of the bank accounts and couldn’t get money from him without asking. She never asked him for money either. She always felt like a burden. Even as a kid she always felt like a burden when she would have to ask for money. So she got a job and saved up money to get her own place, but did you know if your spouse doesn’t have your name on the accounts that you two are putting money into or maybe they are working and you stay home so you have an account together that it is considered financial abuse?!?!?! No joke. Dum-Dum never put her name on any bank accounts, but her name was on the cell bill and other accounts so in the end her credit got messed up. Many years later after fighting the companies those debits are all taken care of and she no longer has to worry about them.
Anyways she got her own place to raise the twins and moved out. He came back to her after finding her through a friend saying he was sorry. That he would change and things would get better. She made the mistake of letting him in cause the abuse started again and he took over her place with his friends. Cops even showed up one day because she was yelling so loud for them to all get out that she wasn’t going to have the drugs or the abuse in her home. Especially with the kids. Then he had his mom come down and get all of them for a “weekend trip”. Yeah she was played there too. His Mom took them up north and had Dum-Dum go back and pack up all her stuff. She didn’t want to move. She even called the landlord and said because she was married to him that even though his name wasn’t on the lease that he was able to surrender her apartment that she has got on her own when he chose drugs, drinking and girls over her, but Dum-Dum and his Mom said it would help the marriage. Guess what though??? It didn’t. In fact things got worse. He was yelling at her more, swearing, blaming her for everything.
She remembers one night Dum-Dum’s Mom was home and she was walking out of the house just to go for a small walk cause she needed a break from him yelling at her and grabbing her face so hard it would leaves marks. Well as she was heading towards the door and the Mom towards the hall he yanked on her hoodie and pulled her down to the ground. He then started to attack her verbally and in an abusive manner. The Mom told him to stop and then walked out of the room. It never stopped though and she got good at hiding marks. Eventually she moved in with his Sister. One day she didn’t show up to church with the kids one Sunday and his Sister knew he had stayed the night. Well shortly after she came home Dum-Dum’s Sister and Pastor called the cops on him because there were marks on her face. She didn’t want to go into deep details on the abuse, but it wan’t okay and wasn’t what she wanted for her and the kids.
One day she up and moved when his sister and him were at work. When she moved and he found out she was following through on the divorce he would stalk her. He would place false reports to cps saying she wasn't taking care of the kids and was abusing them. He still wanted to control her and she wasn’t giving him that power so one day he was really stupid. With no support system and trying to hide from an abusive guy it isn’t always easy. Well with no support comes no back bone to defend ones self. Yes her spirit and mind were broken and confused. The verbal abuse started coming in forms of phone calls again so she kept changing her number.
Ever since the divorce went through they now hardly talk. Honestly she is okay with just talking to the wife anyways. She’s a sweetie. Sure they have butt heads a few times, but they always talk it out a few mins later.
Sometimes we don’t see the abuse though. Or we think things will change or can get better. Sometimes it doesn’t though; and you gotta run when no one is around because you fear for your life. Sometimes we tend to see it as them just picking on us or joking about you. Maybe they just degraded you all the time in an unloving way. Cause don’t get me wrong some people get off on that and that is fine. There is still love behind it, but when there is no love it is just abuse. We will slowly get into all that too within time as well, but not today. I am one who loves to fix things if I can. I tried for years to fix what Dum-Dum and I had, but in the end there was no getting better and I choose life and my kids over a dude. Sorry, but not sorry.
There are many forms of abuse...
Emotional: Being talked down/degraded/belittle
Mental: It’s basically a a scar forever messing with you. Maybe it is them getting you to believe one thing and they get mad because you forgot
Financial: Controls all the money
Physical: Hitting, pushing,grabbing face till it hurts, anything that is NOT wanted
Verbal: Yelling and swearing
Sexual: Forcing you to have sex when you don’t want to or touches you sexually. Oh yes you can still be raped while you are married. Don’t ever think other wise. They just don’t want you knowing that it counts. Rape becomes emontial and mental abusive along with already being physical abuse.
#AbuseIsNotLove
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