Christmas with family

    Christmas is sneaking up on us fast and I have let the blog slowly slip away due to the holidays and being so busy and fighting colds. The last one definitely wasn’t any fun. Anyways as the holidays are here we tend to forget our place when we are around others. Make sure you and your Dominant talk about what is and what isn’t okay and what all the rules are. What are you to call each other around family and of friends. You don’t want to make anyone feel uncomfortable. Then things get weird and just don’t go well. If you call your partner Daddy, Misstress, Master maybe agree on a nickname while around vanillia’s. Remember to stay in their sight incase hand signals get used to call you over to them. Remember to use indoor tones at all times. Never drink more than 2 drinks if your drinks are strong. Make sure to always let them know when you are going to the bathroom or leaving the room so they don’t worry or stress when they can’t find you. Ask to help and help out where you can. Always smile...no matter how hard it may be. Always sit up straight. Make sure your partner is having fun and have fun yourself as well. Join in games you enjoy. Never raise your voice. Do not start a fight/argument/scene.  Never forget your manners. Always make sure to say please and thank you, and no thank you. 

    Christmas can be a fun holiday, but for some it can also be a hard holiday...Beware of emotions, facial expressions, vibes, and body language

Aftercare

    Aftercare is something you should be doing whether you are in a vanilla relationship or in a kinky relationship. It refers to time and attention given to partners after an intense sexual experience. Scenes are pre-negotiated and involve consent and safe words incase either partner get uncomfortable with the situation at any time. Just like during vanilla sex you still have to be considerate and communicative during sex and when it is all over. 
    
    Aftercare means communicating and taking care of one another after sex. It helps to ensure that all parties are comfortable and satisfied with everything that had happened. Just because safewords aren't used during a scene or during sex you should still check in. See if there are any wounds that need to be given attention and taken care of. 

    "Sub-drop" is what happens when a Submissive feels sad after the endorphins crash and adrenaline fills their body. Dominant's can also experience something similar to a "Sub-drop". It is a type of "postcoital dysphoria". You don't have to of been tied up or whipped to feel sad after sex. In fact you can get it just from a hormonal change experience after an orgasm, but it can also come from feeling neglected. 

    The "orgasm gap" is where a woman, in particular, my feel that their needs in bed are being ignored and not met. It can make them feel lousy. Although having any feelings that are ignored can make anyone feel pretty lousy. 

    Aftercare after sex can make sex better for anyone. Even if it is getting a warm rag and cleaning your partner up after sex. It bring a closeness because it also shows you are comfortable with one another and care for one another very much. Every relationship is different. So your aftercare may be different from others aftercare as well and that's okay. There are a lot of guidelines for BDSM aftercare. Especially if you are out having casual sex. It means letting your guard down and talking about the experience. This can be scary to do if you are out having one night stands, but that is a different situation. 

    People want to know and be reminded that they are worth while, even after they have been sexually gratifying to one. Long-term relationships are definitely not exempt from aftercare. It is something couples should consider to continue doing. Especially after trying something new. Ask if anything hurt, if they didn't like something or if they were okay with everything. Make sure to cuddle, stroke each other's hair or face. Savor the moment. Aftercare like this can make one feel special and important. 

    Aftercare is just a fancy term at the end of the day where you are making sure you are both happy once the sex is over and when you communicate you can learn what is okay, what felt good, what you can do next time to make things hotter. Communication is even important when having sex. So make sure next time you are having sex with your partner or doing an intense scene make sure to give each other aftercare.

Let’s play “let’s spot the fakes"

READ WITH HUMOR AND SERIOUSNESS...

    It’s kind of like “where is Waldo”

All of our stories should be started with “Once Upon a Time”. And most of us want it to end with “Happily Ever After”. Let’s face it, we all dream about when Prince Henry rides into the castle to save Danielle from that gross old man that “bought” her because he pulled his head out of his behind. You know what I’m talking about, that part where Prince Henry was an asshole after Danielle tried to let her guard down in Ever After. Reality is the chances of you getting struck by lighting is better than this situation happening. We are in a world where we need to fine tune our “fakedar”. Yep, I just coined that term. It’s like playing a game of where is Waldo.

    Let’s face it, there isn’t a how to book how spot someone who is fake. Your “fakedar” develops as you experience life and people. It develops just like your eyes do when you are trying to find Waldo on the crazy pages of crap. We all have our tricks to find him; we turn the book upside down, look through one eye, you do what you have to do to find him. But your “fakedar” is you listening to your gut. It’s like the age old saying your grandma says.... if it looks like a duck, acts like a duck, it probably is a duck. 

    Look up trust— trust is the firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength in someone or something. People develop trust in different ways, normally trust is the product of curiosity about someone. In any relationship, friendship or romantic, ask LOTS of questions about 

EVERYTHING. See if you get an answer. Most likely if you get a vague bullshit answers it should be the first alarm going off. That you are dealing with a fake. If you have someone who talks about trust and communication A LOT— their biggest weakness is just that, they don’t trust anyone and their communications skills need refining. 

    Believe me sisters if your romantic interest disappears for week...and refuses to tell you anything, secret is you are dealing with a fake.

    The only way to protect yourself, is to be you. Be consistent in being you, so if you are being doubted about being authentic there is no question. 

                  By: G.S.P.

Bondage...

    How many of you have seen the movie "Fifty Shades of Grey"? Now in that movie you may have noticed bondage was done in quite a few scenes. Ties, rope, cable ties...Although I don't recommend using cable ties unless you are smart because using them can be very dangerous. All in all though if you have not done research or practiced bondage I recommend you learning first. 

    Things that can be used for bondage are:

• Ties
• Cable ties
• Rope
• Bondage tape
• Handcuffs
• Cuffs that connect by a lock or chain (different from handcuffs)
• Ribbon

You can use anything as long as it is used safely and wisely. Even the shirt you have on at the moment can be used to tie you up one way or another. You just gotta think and be smart. 

    The most common thing used for bondage is rope. Luckily there are many different types of ropes. You just gotta find one that works for you. Whatever kind of bondage you use you need to make sure you have a key and or a pair of scissors. Once that safe word is used you gotta stop and release them. If you don't release them when the agreed upon safeword is used then it becomes rape and nobody should take it to that level. 

    Some good books for bondage are: 

• Shibari: The Japanese Art of Erotic Bondage. Guide for Beginners

• Shibari You Can Use: Japanese Rope Bondage and Erotic Macramé

• 
  

  Two Knotty Boys Back on the Ropes

• 
  

  Bondage Basics: Naughty Knots and Risque Restraints You Need to Know

Again these are just a few books.. There are many more. The ones I have listed you can find on amazon.com. 

    Not everyone is into bondage and that is okay. Every dynamic is different because everyone is different and likes different things. So to add bondage of any kind I suggest you talk to your partner and communicate your likes and dislikes. Remember to always have a safe word.

    There is also bondage in a normal/vanilla relationship as well. it is the bond in your heart with your relationship. Every woman ought to understand her worth and value as a person and this is something that should be instilled even from girlhood. When a man puts down a woman in private or in public, criticises her looks, attacks her self-esteem or body image, talks down on her, calls her names, withholds affection or attention in order to hurt her, emotionally blackmails her or withdraws emotionally in order to bend or break her, that’s abuse.

Do not let yourself be put in bondage or enslaved by a man simply because you want to be in a relationship or married. If any of the above describes your relationship, you need to be honest with yourself; recognise abuse for what it is and emancipate yourself. In a healthy relationship, there is mutual support, admiration, empathy and kindness. Both partners are fully on board and each one pulls their weight, creating incredible opportunities for growth and progress individually and as a couple.

Bondage can be great or it can break you...Which kind of bondage do you want. I know I would want the fun bondage...

Overcoming Your Fears

    So as we know fears and anxiety are very powerful emotions. The reason why is because they take a huge toll on the mind and body. Fears can create signals to the brain when in an emergency or public speaking. Or maybe you have a fear that you aren't good enough to others or starting a new job. Fear and anxiety can last anywhere from a short time to a lifetime. In some cases they can take over your life. Which means it can affect your eating, sleep, travel, concentration, or even make it hard to leave your house. They hold you back from things you want to try, and places you want to go. It even holds you back in relationships. 

    Anxiety is a word used to describe some types of fears along with the thought of a threat or threats or something going wrong. Anxiety is a word professionals like to use for your present fears when you feel frightened and anxious.

    A lot of things can make us scared and feel afraid.  Knowing what makes you afraid is the first step to sorting out your fears. Managing your fears is the second step. When you feel frightened or seriously anxious, that your mind and body work very quickly.

Somethings that happen when fear and anxiety kick in are: 

• Your heart beats very fast – maybe it feels irregular
• You breathe very fast
• Your muscles feel weak
• You sweat a lot
• Your stomach churns or your bowels feel loose
• You find it hard to concentrate on anything else
• You feel dizzy
• You feel frozen to the spot
• You can’t eat
• You have hot and cold sweats
• You get a dry mouth
• You get very tense muscles

    Fear and anxiety can affect us all. When it becomes a severe and long lasting it then becomes a mental health issue.

Some ways to overcome your fears is to

1. Face your Fear
2. Know yourself
3. Exercise
4. Relax
5. Healthy eating
6. Avoid alcohol, or drink in moderation
7. Therapy (talking)
8. Medication

    I have personally found exercise to be a great stress reliever as are getting tattoos, but I don't recommend getting a tattoo every time you get stressed or need a release. I have also learned that talking helps. If talking helps you need to find someone you trust 100% and who won't judge you. My fears started in second grade and continued for years, but this last year I made a lot of changes were made and I don't regret any of the changes. The reason why I don't regret it is because my mind is clear. I have made changes to better my life and my family's life. I have been able to let the real me finally shine and so far my Daddy and Sir are the only ones besides our kids who have seen the real me shine and I couldn't be happier. Almost two weeks ago my life changed and I couldn't be happier. Receiving texts from my Daddy and Sir make me very happy. Sometimes it is the simple things that help make you better and overcome things in life. Such as fears. Little steps can become big steps.

    I hope this somehow helped you in what you need to do to overcome your fears and anxieties. Maybe you do them out of order and that is okay. As long as you take that first step in admitting you have a fear. 

Fears in a Relationship...

    Do you have fears? If you say no I will tell you right now that you are lying!...Everyone has fears. Fears can be in and out of a relationship. It is okay to have fears, but don't let them ruin your happiness.

    If you are in a relationship and have fears I suggest you talk to your partner about them. Don't sugar coat it either. To have a happy and successful relationship you need to be able to talk to your partner about anything. They should be your first call even if it is just to vent. So let's talk about some fears...

Some fears are relationship fears. Such as

1. "He/she is going to leave me."
2. "I'm just know I'm going to get hurt."
3. "He/she won't be there for me when I need him/her."
4. "I'm not good enough."
5. "I'm a failure."
6. "I'm not pretty/handsome enough

    Some fears are things such as clowns, roller coasters. Maybe you have fears at work or every time your boss calls you to the office. Or maybe you have fears leaving your house or leaving your property that causes anxiety. In the end that is exactly what fear does to us. It makes our anxiety so bad it scares us so badly that it paralyzes us at times.  Maybe you're scared of driving or going on public buses. Or maybe you fear germs,spiders, or anything crawling. Maybe you get scared of being in a crash every time you get in a car or on an airplane. Maybe you are scared to be a parent. There are tons of fears out there in the world. Everyone has at least one

    If you have fears that can become so bad like that, you need to let your partner know. Fears can either be avoided or worked through though if you are willing to work through it. First you have to admit you have the fear...Tomorrow we will talk about how to overcome your fears.

Ways of spending quality time together

    Spending time with your loved ones is important. When you spend time together you learn more about someone. It is spending time together and being able to relax with one another. Do things you both enjoy and not worrying about the world. Such as work, bills, and other responsibilities. Time together is time where you get to grow together. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention.

    For some quality time is their personal love language and if you don't give them your quality time they feel unloved. Quality time is a powerful and emotional connection. It is the togetherness. If you are doing something else and not paying attention to them you are not giving them your full attention which mean you aren't giving them your quality time. Ask them questions and listen. Actually listen. Don't disregard their feelings.

• Maintain eye contact
• Don't be distracted on your phone or other things when listening 
• Ask yourself how they are feeling (watch body language and facial expressions)
• While listening don't interrupt (when you do it says you don't really care) 

    So do you want to grow? If you do here are some ideas of how you can spend some quality time together...

• Have dinner together
• Fix things together (things around the house)
• Go for walks together (even if it is after dinner)
• Leave a message (text at a random time to let them know you are thinking of them)
• Do a big project together (build something together)
• Read together
• Plan monthly excursions (going to the zoo, a day trip somewhere new, play pokemon go in town together, go to a museum, try doing something new)
• Share family stories
• Talk about happy memories (as a child or even now)
• Go on a one on one date

    Everyone deserves to feel as if they are important so make sure you make time for the ones or one you love. Give your time and love.

Styles of Submission

    What styles of submission are there? Can you do it non-sexually?

    I am here to tell you that you can submit non-sexually easily. Want to know how? I can tell you...just continue reading....

    Ways to show your Dom/Sir/Master/Daddy submission non-sexually are by laying out his work clothes for the day if he wears a uniform, picking up the house if you are a stay at home, washing dishes, having dinner prepared for when he comes home. You could even wait by the door for them to come home and give kisses and hugs or by kneeling by the door till he enters. A lot of Dom's like when their submissive kneels. You could do little things for them such as refilling their drink if you see it is low or grab them a new one. Sitting or kneeling beside them when they sit somewhere. Sometimes the Dom will tell you to climb on his lap so he can cuddle you. I don't know about all you, but i love being held and cuddled by Sir. It is relaxing and you can feel the safety and protection even more when their arms are wrapped around you.

    A very high amount of D/S relationships are just in the bedroom. There are some relationships that are just about sex, and there are ones that are about everything in the lifestyle. If you are only interested in controlling someone in just the sexual aspect then you may just want to look for someone who likes the kinly sex and not someone who lives and breathes Dominance.

    When you are obedient and take on whatever role you need your Dom wants you to. Being a Submissive is entrusting your Dominate with all your well being. A Submissive can be a tool for the Dom to use one as they see fit.

    A Slave is to not have any desires. At all. A Slave should always be unquestioningly obedient and incredibly goal-oriented and unafraid to pursue that goal no matter what the obstacles. Being a Slave is a higher degree of protocol and lack of any emotions. A Slave should always know their duty and place. A Slave should be the most important and invisible at all times until called upon.

    Brats are more fun at times. Their job is to entertain their Dom, but it is very important that they can read their Dominant's moods and behaviors. The reason why is because if you don't know and you misbehave or prod at them it can lead to punishment. So make sure you can read your Dom well. If you can't then I suggest you learn your Dom's facial expressions and body language quickly before you mess up. A Brat's goal is to provide an opportunity for their Dom to punish them how they want, and then respond however they want. You got to remember though it is another type of role play.

    A Little is still a Submissive, but finds joy in embracing their inner child. When a Submissive is a little they will speak and behave in childish manners who accept comfort and guidance from their Dom in a way a child would be guided and protected by a parent.

    A Pet normally enjoys wearing ears and a tail of some kind. They also use collars and leashes, pet bowl, lick their Dom and play like a kitty. A pet should not speak, but rather communicate using body language and maintain as much contact with their Owner as possible


    Now as you can see these way are all non-sexual, but you can still do all the sexual stuff too of course.

Collars in a Relationship...

    Different Kinds of Collars have different meanings.

• Posture Collar
• Pet/Play Collar
• Protection Collar
• Chain Collar
• Ownership Collar
• Bracelet with lock
• Ankle collars
• Rings
• Branding
• Leather Collars

    A posture collar are fairly large and cover most of the neck. They are worn as a way to restrict the neck movements and enhance posture.

    A play collar are normally worn during a scene and tend to not have much meaning. 

    A protection collar is used when a Dom wants to show his submissive is protected. They are commonly used when going to kinky house parties or to dungeons. It lets other Dom's know that the Sub is not owned and that they are not free to touch. 

    A consideration collar is one of the first steps in showing the D/S relationship. It means the Submissive is being considered for a long term relationship, but it can also be taken away and revoked for any reason.

    A training collar shows that a Submissive is being trained by a Dom. It gives the Dom a taste of power that he has over the Submissive. 

    Ownership collars (also known as a formal collar or slave collar) are not to be taken lightly because it is the equivalent of giving a wedding ring and shows that the Submissive is owned. They are earned after a submissive is owned and that they have completed their training. If out in public it can be substituted with a day collar. 

    Some Dom's prefer to have their Submissive tattooed or branded, but that is more done in the Master/Slave dynamic. Collars should not be used as a game. It is not a lifestyle to play with. So if you have to ask yourself if the collar you're wearing is an ownership collar then it most likely isn't. You will definitely know when you are owned and wearing a collar of ownership because the Dom will tell you.

    A collar shows attachment. Collars are normally made with metal, leather or sometimes other material such as ribbons and chains. It is kind of similar to a wedding band in a vanilla society, but more is expected with a collar. A lot of collars have some kind of ring for a leash if one is used. Leashes are used to keep one close if it is connected to the collar or the bracelet. 

     

    Feelings about a collar are personal, but also obvious to ones around you. A collar defines your fundamental concepts of happiness and fulfillment of the Dominant. He can make you feel amazing effortlessly and he adores your collar as does everyone else everywhere you go who truly understand. Wearing a collar is an honor, a privilege. 

    If you are a Dom and see a Sub wearing a collar then you should not be making any advances towards them unless you have talked to the Dom of the Sub first. Most Dom's prefer to be talked to and asked first before anyone approaches the submissive. Never disrespect the relationship of the Dom's ownership.

    If you are a submissive and wearing a collar you should never take it off without the Dom's permission if it isn't locked. If you take it off during a disagreement though it is considered very rude and disrespectful. So be smart!!!

    For me a collar is a big deal, but the reason a collar is a big deal to me is because I was once married before. As I have mentioned before, but tons of promises were broken. Things were done that shouldn't have. So when Sir gave me my collar I cried because I felt and still feel honored that he chose me to not only marry, but collared me as well. It shows me that no matter what we will be together. I AM HIS and I BELONG to SIR, but he also BELONGS to me as well. I don't take it lightly and I never will. My heart and soul belong to Sir as does my body and because I know I can trust him fully I have no problem being his. I am proud to be Sir's Submissive. I am proud to be owned by him!!! 

    Now our children have no idea about our lifestyle, but they do of course see me wear my collar. I know one day they will ask, but I will not answer till we feel they are old enough to know and understand. 

Submission in a relationship...

    Dominance and Submission isn't a lifestyle for everyone. It is a relationship where one is given the higher power or control and lead them. It is something that can bring two closer. We have to let all our walls down though and be able to fully trust 100%.

    Submission is amazing when you are with the right person. It is a lifestyle choice, but also a way of living. You have to have communication for it to work though. You can't hold anything back or keep feelings silent. The D/S is a relationships that brings a couple together and closer. 
   
    A submissive is compliant, obedient, comfortable. It isn't everyone's nature to be a Submissive and that is okay. The Submissive is extra vulnerable and places tremendous trust in the dominant to respect their humanity. We want a happy relationship just like everyone else. Submissives want to laugh and enjoy things together with their Dominant. Some Submissives like being hurt and humiliated, but only in a consensual way. Sometimes it is the after care we look forward to.
   
    There is a huge misconception out in the world though. Somehow the world thinks that a Submissive's are somehow broken. It isn't true at all. In order to be a Sub you don't have to be broken at all. Are there Submissive's out there that are broken and do have some psychological issues? Then yes there are, but it takes a special Dominant to fix those. Another assumption is the Submissive's are weak and easy to treat as a doormat. That also isn't true.
    
    The power a Submissive gives to her Dominant is earned. It isn't taken or demanded. When Submissive's submit fundamentally the power of the dynamic remains with us. We can choose if we want to stop what is happening in a sexual scenario, or stop the relationship if we are not happy with it. Dom's can stop the relationship too.
   
   
 To me submission is a lot of things.

    I show my love to Sir by submitting to him and only him. When he comes home I greet him by the door or out by his truck and give him hugs and kisses. I always treat him as if he is a soldier coming home. Yes it is a song, but it is also how a man should be treated after working hard at work. Once he is in the house I bring him his drink (sweet tea) and dinner to him and then serve the children. Once he is all relaxed at his desk I will either sit by him, on the couch where he can easily see me. I like being in his line of sight though. Why do I stay in his eyesight? I do it because it is fun to look at one another and blow each other kisses and say I love you.
    
    Since we moved I have become a stay at home mom again. While Sir and the kiddos are at work I make the bed, pick up our room, pick up and clean the master bathroom and then I move out of the room to the living room area. I start with picking up his desk and organizing it, then I pick up the living room and after that I move to the kitchen. Wash up all the dirty dishes from breakfast, clean and scrub countertops. After that I clean off the stove; because let's face it...nobody likes cooking on a dirty stove. Onec that is all done I sweep, vacuum  and mop the kitchen floor and then I vacuum the living room. Once my daily "chores" are done I walk 6 miles on my treadmill while listening to a book on audible.
   
    I realize not everyone could or would do the things I do and it actually makes me feel more appreciated. I realize my train of thought is old fashion, but to me submitting to Sir is my way of showing him my submission, love and appreciation.

Now we will read what our Dom has to say about Submission...

Very few will ever understand how amazingly beautiful it is when your sub fully submits to you. As a Dom, I can say that this is not only the ultimate goal, but also the foundation upon which everything else is built. Submission does however, come with a price. It doesn't only take a strong woman, it takes someone who is secure within her femininity, who is pure of heart and has a clear mind, ready to accept whatever life brings her way. Now don't get me wrong, when I say submission is the ultimate goal I do not mean that once we have reached submission we are done, that is merely the stepping stone to taking things to the next level. Let's talk about what it takes to reach that point though. Call me old-fashioned but I feel like a woman should be treated like a princess at all times, she should be treated with kindness, respect, loyalty and the utmost of admiration. You open doors for your lady, you pull out her chair, you tell her she looks pretty even when she's sick. You tell her good morning and give her a kiss before you leave the house, you send her cute messages throughout the day, tell her you love her until you are sick in the stomach, and cannot wait to hold her when you get home. You stop by her favorite place to grab her flowers and a bath bomb for absolutely no reason, you grab a random bottle of wine because you know she enjoys it, you ask her to do something for you to get her out of the house if only for a moment so you can put candles around the tub and start that bubble bath for her. The misconception when people hear "Dominant" and "Submissive" is that, what I say goes, that she has absolutely no free will of her own and is to cater to my every whim. Often times people say completely asinine things like "it's just a way to control your partner" and while I can certainly respect their opinion, it is an opinion that has been drawn in ignorance and without any thought or consideration to how it may make a true submissive feel. The fact of the matter is a true submissive has her own free will, she can do any and everything she wants or has ever wanted to do, she CHOOSES to kneel before her Dom, she chooses to cater to the things that I like, she chooses to take care of me. She also does so without any sort of expectation other than that of which she has already been given, the love, the care, the respect, the admiration, and my unwavering pledge to protect her safety both physically and emotionally, at all costs. This lifestyle very much does come with a sexual component, but all of these fun little movies teach you about pain and what some would consider torture, being forced to do something even when you are scared, being tied to a gigantic wooden X and being whipped until you are beyond bruised and sometimes even bleeding. And while some of those things may in fact be fun, they do not fit into every single person's dynamic. What those movies will never show you is the more gentle side, him walking into the room with her kneeling before him, her head down ready to hear what he has to say and instead of an order, the low raspy tone of his voice saying "Stand up baby girl, tonight it's all about you, I want to show you exactly what you mean to me" as he gently takes her hand and leads her over to the bed, laying her down gently and kissing every inch of her body as he works his way up to those loving eyes staring back at him with nothing but the warmest of feelings behind them as they make passionate love for the next 2 hours. Submission is beautiful for many reasons, but none quite as much as knowing that your partner has now given you the 100% undeniable symbol of not only their love and affection for you, but they're trust in you as a man, as a lover, as a provider and a caregiver. No matter how large or small your role within the lifestyle happens to be, the bond that is shared between Dom and sub is the most beautiful thing on the planet...

 Now when a collar is brought into the picture things change, but there is also more expected. More respect. We will go into collars within the next couple of days. 

Stages of Intimacy

    So there are stages and levels to everything in life...There just isn't a way around that fact.

    So what are these stages I keep talking about???

    I am talking about Infatuation, Landing, Burying, Resurfacing and Love.

  Infatuation is something that makes your dopamine levels high. This dopamine if high enough will make you feel like you are on a different planet. This can be done by simple touches, kisses, hugs....It is like being high on heroin, but sooooo much better. You feel safe, wanted, needed, but I don't know how to explain it, but once it stops I slowly land and come back down and am in the world again.

Landing can feel light and sweet. It is where we see clearly.

Burying isn't always a bad thing, but it where all the lists come toppling over it is where things show that need to be worked on. Focusing on who is doing laundry, who is doing dishes...how boring.  It is a sign that the relationship is real though, but you also have to remember to unbury yourself as well. Take lessons to something new, buy some sex toys, tie yourself to a bedpost or grab some whips. Do something you like, but allows you to also take a break.

Now Resurfacing is where all those feelings you once forgot all come swimming back. He's amazing or she is stunning. It is like a mixed bag of candies or as Forest Gump says "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what ones you'll get". You gotta look forward to having dates together again and find that time to spend together to keep the flame going.

Now that last stage is love...

    Love is where you are in awe of one another. You can look at one another and think Oh my goodness...I am the luckiest person in the world. You can walk by them and just giggle and blush. Or see their picture pop up on your cell...and you basically become a little school girl just because you are excited to hear from your partner. It is really amazing the feelings you feel and the way your mind thinks when you are in love. It is joking together and laughing together. It is where you can pick on one another and know it is all fun and games, but it is only fun and games till someone gets hurts. So don't fall to hard off your chair or walk into things. lol. You do that and you're asking to get made fun of. Enjoy your relationship. Don't make it like others. Let it be your own thing and grow it into something beautiful together.


#FamiliesAreForever
#TrueLoveLives

Relationships topics to talk about before it's to late

    Now there are many topics out there, but there are a few topics that don't get talked about or discuss until it is to late. I am here to help you talk about those topics...

   If you have any chance of having a successful relationship then you have to be able to communicate. You have to take the steps to fix your relationship. Topics that should be talked about before y'all start dating are...

Trust: If you don't trust you need to tell your partner why. You need to work on doing what you can to learn how to trust again. If you two are keeping secrets because you don't want the other person to hurt then you do not trust them enough to tell them how you truly feel. A lot of people don't talk about their trust issues till it is to late and trust is broken and can't be fixed. It can be fixed though as long as you communicate to one another honestly. Trust only works if there is communication and trust.

Goals: This topic should be talked about often because as we grow we change. Therefore our goals may change too. With these goals though it is about your career. What are your goals with the company? Where do you want to improve? Do they want to get married? Do they want kids? Are kids an option? Short term goals should be revised about every few months.   As long as you are upfront about your goals as you come up with them there is a good chance of growth being formed between you two. When you feel good about hitting goals it helps to also boost your self confidence and when you hit your goal with your partner there is even more reason to celebrate.

Past Relationships: Honestly I don't want to personally know about them. I don't like knowing numbers. Personally it drives me crazy, but that could be because my number is so low because I am crazy shy and scared. I also grew up knowing the only ones who would get lucky I would end up marrying. I also don't like talking about my past before Sir though because it was hell. So we leave it with the thought that Sir is my first, only, and my last.  That is how I think about Sir's past too though. I am his first and last and to me that is all that matters.
    Anywho it is something that does need to be talked about. Some are still close with an ex or two or maybe something happened that they need you to know so they can understand you better or deeper. It gives you the chance and opportunity to ask questions. Some partners will find tests and have you answer questions that way. It is kinda fun.

Feelings: You have got to be honest about your feelings. Be up-front and let your partner know how you feel. If feelings aren't talked about and discussed then you won't get far. If you need to vent, then be like...hey I need to vent can you come listen? I just need you to listen. If they go with you great. If they say let it loose or spill it then you know you are good to talk and express how you are feeling. Some will let you vent, but not listen. Those people have work to do on them before they can make any relationship work. Always strive to be honest with each other in all areas of life. Don't worry or stress about the reaction you may get. So think about your relationship and where you can work to make things better and improve.

Intimacy/sex: Now you may be one of those who thinks why is sex and intimacy important? Well if there is no intimacy then there is no build up to the sex and fact is everyone likes to have fun working up to the sex. Sex is great. It is a time where you get to really bond and become one. Now granted vanilla sex is boring for some. There is nothing wrong with adding a little kink into the bedroom or to the life.
    When you can talk with your partner and tell them hey things are a little boring could we try this? Then that is great. It also shows you aren't scared to communicate that there is an issue in the bedroom. Now some might be standoffish and not tell their partner how they feel. If that is the case then you do not trust them enough to have this serious conversation and your sex life will continue failing till you two either talk about it or end up splitting.
     Now intimacy isn't just about sex though. It is about the connection. It is about how you feel when you look deep into their eyes, it's about the thoughts behind everything being done to get you happy and on cloud 9. Now people say it doesn't exist. i am here to tell you in fact that it does and when you find that right person you are going to feel things you have never felt before and it is going to be amazing. There are different stages of intimacy. Bet you didn't know that though did you?
    The stages are great and all different in their own ways. There is infatuation, landing, burying, resurfacing and love. We will get into that more soon though. Our souls crave intimacy. Sometimes we look for it elsewhere without even knowing it or meaning to. Is it because of our desire for sex, loneliness, desperation??? I want you to think about that till we talk about the stages more.
   
Finances/money: Do you talk about where money is coming in from or where it is going? I mean you have your earnings and then you have your bill, but where else does the money go? Are you putting some away for a rainy day, is any going into savings? Are you saving for the day your children go to college? You two need to agree on a budget so you can both have a say, have some fun on dates. Do something where you two can be equally involved with one another.

Don't get me wrong there are many more topics and I will hit them. If you think I need to hit something sooner leave your idea in a comment for me and I will work my magic.


#Communication

#FamiliesAreForever

#RelationshipsTakeHardWork

Mental Illnesses in a relationship...

    Now there are many mental disabilities. Some of us have one. Some of us have a few and some of us....well we have a lot. Now I am not here to put anyone down. So don't get me wrong on what I have to say. It is just my opinion...

    Here is a list to help you identify some:

•   Anxiety Disorder
• A.D.H.D. (
• A.D.D.
• Anxiety Disorder ( anxiety disorder, panic disorder, social anxiety disorder, and specific phobias)
• Mood Disorder
• Eating disorder (Anorexia nervosa, bulimia nervosa, and binge eating disorder)
• Psychotic Disorder
• O.C.D. (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
• P.T.S.D. (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder)
• Sexual and Gender Disorder
• Tic Disorder (Tourette's Syndrome)
• Epilepsy Disorder (Seizures)

    There are many kinds of mental illnesses out there. Sometimes we can work with our partner if they have a disorder, but only if they are really truly ready to get the help they need. 

    I have seizures. I have major Depression, Seasonal Depression, A.D.D./A.D.H.D.. I also have an eating disorder and P.T.S.D.. I am not broken by any means. I have come to terms with all of my things. I also work on all of them though because I care about my family. In fact I have been taking a lot of time lately to work on me and be who I want to be. I also have finished school and achieve things that I never thought I could do. Myself esteem is way up now too. I'm shining and it is all because of Sir!!!

Mental health issues such as the ones I have listed can all ruin a relationship. I know for me personally my anxiety gets bad as soon as I am left alone somewhere. Such as the store, public events, once I'm off my property it kicks in. Now as long as Sir is close I am good, but once he leaves my side my brain freaks out and worries. Not that he will leave me, but that something could happen. Depression can ruin lots of things. Mood, sex drive, keeping house clean. Once a sex life does it is hard to find a good groove again. 

    So if you feel yourself feeling a little blah then go treat yourself and do something that'll make you laugh. Laughter is the best medicine.

    If you don't find time to work on you when you have any mental illness it can get worse and possibly eventually in time ruin your marriage. I honestly hope that is never the case. Sometimes we can only fight so long though before we are to tired and want to give up though. So please find away to respect us and like/love us even though we are different. We do require more patience so hopefully you have some stacked away somewhere.

#YouMatter

#FamilyFirst

#MentalDisabilitiesIsReal

    

Letter to parents...

    Look I get it....being a parent isn't easy and taking in one or more that aren't your own can be hard too, but parents it is VERY important that you let your child know you are there for them and that they can talk to you about anything. Once the teenage years hit it is harder for us to trust and want to put that wall back down.

    I know it wasn't easy for Rainbow or Grey Clouds. Coconut only belonged to Rainbow. Coconut never knew her real father. Wasn't like she would have had a say anyways. Rainbow never knew how  down, Grey Clouds talked to Coconut when she wasn't around. Told her she would never graduate and would be a dropout, that she wasn't wanted and that she was a burden. Little did Coconut know that one day everything she had been through would make her marriage stronger and happier. Everything she had been through in this life has made her the woman she is today. 
   
    Everyday she strives to be the best she can be. She does her best to hear how proud her man is of her for all her hard work. She isn't making money, but her keeping the house clean, dishes caught up on, cooks meals. She has a goal everyday to make her man happy with not her body, but the house. Every woman should want to be the best and do the best she can for her man.

    Not every marriage is happy. Some are broken. Some are in denial. Some are only still together because of the kids.

   Parents you do need to be friends with your children. That friendship is where we build our foundation with our kids. You don't need to be a best friend to your child, but you do need to build their trust so that they know you are there for them. You don't need to best friend though. You still need to be able to put down your foot only when it is needed. When they hit their teenage years though that is when the kids will really want their dad. To drive them to school functions and we all know you want to be there when she picks out a dress to make sure it isn't to immodest. Cause who honestly wants their little girl running off to a dance in something little? I know I don't. Parents look for those little things that might be big things to her. If you have a boy they are just as hard because you don't want them getting their heart broken. I know I am guilty of holding my children back at times. It is because I only want the best for them. You don't want them knowing how ugly the world is out there, but at the same time...they need to know that way they can prepare for it. Always be there for your child. No matter how mad at them you may be you need to let them know that you love them and are proud of them. It easy for anyone to ever open up. I wish I would have talked to my Mom more as a child and a teen. I wish I would have told her how I was feeling. I wish I would have done thing different for sure, but as parents and we can't change the past, but we can change the future. So be there for your child and let them know you are proud of them. Even if it is over something simple.

    If you are parents that are separated then try and get along for your kid's sake. Also if the kid finds their missing parent don't get mad. Let them know it's okay if that is what they need to do if they need that closure. Don't fight with one another in front of the kids. It shows the children how unstable the home is. If you are the missing parent...then just take things day by day. Get to know each other and try to build a friendship that was never there. If you don't try you'll never know what could have been and then you'll end up regretting it.






Now I have a lot of things going on right now so my blogs might slow down a little, but I am hoping not and that I can stay in the groove that things are going right now.

Friendships...

    Yup friendships are a type of relationship...

 So how many of you have a best friend? Do you have one best friend or many? How long have they been in your life? How well do they know you? Do they know who you really are inside and out?

    As a kid our best friends are supposed to be our parents. Once we hit second grade we start making friends and find a best friend in school. My second grade best friend has known me since we were kids. We still talk here and there, but nowhere near as much we did as kids. When one moves you gotta start over...not always an easy task. In your teens you eventually find a new best friend because a lot in life is changing. Once everyone is all graduated everyone goes their separate ways, but what about when you are in a really dark place in your mind? Do you have a person who is ALWAYS there for you to lend an ear, a shoulder, a phone call, a body?!?!?! 

    I do...and I want to tell you about her. She is amazing. If I was a guy I wouldn't let her go. As a gal I still keep her. She has a great job and totally supports herself. See she came into my life when I had told my Heavenly Father that I wanted a better life for my kids. I was a mess in my head. I was leaving my ex, living on my own with 3 girls, and was looking for work. Well I met her at church one day. I have a big heart and didn't like her sitting by herself so I asked if I could sit next to her and keep her company. Well one day lead to more Sunday's and getting to hang out. Well one day she got a little crazy and hired me. Lol. 
    Now don't get me wrong working for her was great. I loved the job, I loved the area because it was in the middle of nowhere, but it wasn't for me so she let me go. Now when she did this she made sure I knew that she didn't want it to ruin our friendship. 
        A few days after she let me go my oldest passed away during her sleep from a seizure. I didn't know who else to call. I was broken. I had my boyfriend and her to hold me that day. Later my Mother and Step-Dad made it. It was to late though and they had already placed my girls where I knew it wouldn't be safe. So I fought hard to get my girls back home. There she was....by my side along with Sir. There to support me. Nobody had seen me broken till that moment in my life. 
    Many years later she is still my number one call after Sir. The fact that she has been there during the hard times and is still by my side today means a lot. Right now even today I am changing and she is coming to terms with it because it is who I am. She was apart of me and came as a part of me when I decided to finally start my family again. Yup...if he couldn't accept her as my kids Aunt then they weren't staying. She at the time knew me better than I knew myself. Now I get to show her how much I paid attention all these years with her next journey. One day I will be taking pictures of her at her wedding and crying tears. She is going to make someone a very happy and lucky man.

    Not everyone has a person, but if Sir wasn't around she is who I would call my person and honestly we all need a person because as we grow up and mature we need to know we have someone we know we can always trust. With me being me and having a big heart I try to be there for others when they need someone to talk to or lean on. I like helping fix. Marriages for instant...No marriage is perfect, but if you come to me for advice I am there. I don't believe in giving up. Especially when it comes to family. 

    What if you have family that is missing? I am not talking about death though. We lose people to death everyday when we are old or young. Although being able to prepare for it helps we can't always get that option.

   What if you find them and want to build at least a friendship with them? What if you aren't enough for them? What if they don't like you?  What if you weren't told information to keep you safe? What do you do when you feel a part of you has been missing for years and you find it? What if you make a move and leave the ball in their court?!?!?! 

    I honestly don't know what to tell you or myself in this case because I don't know my biological father at all. I couldn't find any information on him and didn't even know where to start since you can't just get into U.S. Navy information...lol. Now I started asking questions when I was 11. I got a name!!! It was a first name, but it was a start. So I knew a name and knew he was in the Navy. Then one day years later I heard the Kellie Pickler song "I Wonder". In the song it is talking about her Mom, but to me I would sing it as if I was singing it to my father. I still do to this day too. It hurts to say that because my Step-Dad held me through some of my seizures, but once I really needed a Dad he wasn't there the way I needed him. He didn't and doesn't know my love language. My heart has been broken many times over the years, don't get me wrong and I know I wasn't an easy kid or teen because of all the bullying I was going through and never told them about because I had hoped it would go away, but it never did. The scar on my face, my weight, the clothes I wore....I was NEVER good enough for the kids in school. So all in all I HATED school!!! I hated going home just to be in my room because my grades were failing because I couldn't understand the material no matter how hard I tried. I have to try a lot harder than the normal person. My brain is not where it should be. So I NEED people to have that extra patience with me. I needed that praise on the little things since I couldn't do the big things. 

 Now almost 32 years later there is still a door that still sits there untouched waiting to see if anyone will ever knock on it's door. 
     
    22 years later I finally found someone who I was finally enough for. He makes me smile even when we were states apart. He took time to get to know me and I have recently put a ball back in someone's court. Now I have to wait to see what they do.  Waiting is the worst lol. I have already waited so many years and now I still gotta wait. When someone takes the extra time to know you though in the end they become worth it. I am still learning things about my Husband and maybe it is because I forget because on my memory issues, but he still treats it as if it is the first time of me finding out. He doesn't make me feel dumb. Sometimes forgetful, but all in fun. His family all love me and treat me as one of the family. I found where I am accepted. He tells me when he is proud of me. His Mom tell me too. Even if it is just picking stuff up around the house or cooking something new. I got acceptance as a kid from my Mom, my Auntie, Granny and Grandma. 
    
    My Grandma I swear was the glue at some point. Once she passed everything started falling apart. I don't blame her for it falling apart though. She left us all unexpectedly. i remember tanning in my their boat with her. Tea time...my first virgin drink...omgoodness those were sour lol. All my memories with her are happy though. 

    My Mom and I have had some hard times(all my fault), but she has always been there. Mother and Daughter dates at Home Depot were a blast. Trips to the cabin in the summer, walks on the trains tracks (even though the tunnel scared me),  I have many good memories with my Mom as well and well last is my favorite Auntie...

 Now my Auntie is amazing and has an amazing man, great kids who I am very grateful for to have in my life. All my memories with them are great too. 4th of july's in their yard, Family Thanksgiving and Christmas get togethers...football games!!! Oh my goodness I love how much they get into the games! I love watching sport games with people who can get into the games. It just makes it more fun. We used to celebrate my birthday on Thanksgiving. Yup...happy memories. 

    Now I am in a house with land and I now do my holidays at home with my little family that I made. I love cooking for the holidays and having family over. It is more relaxing than driving somewhere at times.

    Friendships are the foundation of your relationships. It doesn't matter if you are a friend or parent (ANY FAMILY MEMBER) you do need that foundation strong. Let your children, nieces, nephew's,  know you are there for them. You as a parent or whatever don't need to be your child's friend, but they do need to know that you are there for them. They need to know even if they are all in their heard that they can turn and talk to you. If your child can't trust you then they won't turn to you. 

    Now today is all about best friends...But I want you to think in your head...Do I have a person? Do you have a best friend? Do you have someone who shines you and helps you show your worth? Do you have that special person you can to no matter what??? Do you have someone who ALWAYS has your back? Are you someone else's safe place? If not how can you apply yourself to let someone know and to prove to them that you are there for them. 

    I am here for many people. All different reasons and some the same reasons. I am so happy to be their safe place that they can go to. It is an honor to know that somewhere in life you were their person and that you got to help them. Helping others is a way of paying it forward. Anyone else here seen that movie??? Yeah I thought so. So while the outside world is cruel and ugly so them the kindness and love that you have to share. 


    So my challenge is this...
        
       Get to know someone you don't know. If you haven't talked to family, then put the ball in their court and see what they do. Random acts of kindness are the best way to pay it forward. It doesn't have to be anything huge. It could be as simple as a text, passing someone and smiling, maybe covering someones groceries if they are short a few dollars...Maybe you have new neighbors...What you do on this planet now is what matters now and could affect the future in a good way...

    Now if you have a good foundation you can lean on each other. Need that person at 2am? Who is it? Do you know for sure that they will pick up? I know I'll pick up...

What’s a deal breaker for you in a relationship???

What’s a deal breaker for you in a relationship (whether that relationship is romantic, platonic, career, or otherwise)?

belittling: Putting you down talking down to you

Lying: Keeping secrets from you, not telling the truth, telling white lies

Cheating: Sleeping around behind your back

Lack of communication: Not talking to you, holding back feelings or things you want to say

Puts work before Family: Gives more attention to work rather than spending time with their family.

Drug and Alcohol addiction: That one is pretty straight forward

Abuse/ anger issues: Gets mad over little things, yells instead of talks

Health Issues: STD's (sexually transmitted disease)

Poor Hygiene: Doesn't wash body or hair often, wears dirty clothes, smells of body oder

Racist: Yeah I am not even gonna get started here you all know what this one is

Bad in bed: Doesn't know how to work their member or body. No game

Spends to much time on video games: Puts games before others

Lazy: Doesn't help around the house or do things you have asked

No sense of humor: Well if they can't make you laugh ain't nothing even there

Low sex drive: Doesn't think or want sex often

Stubborn: Hard headed

Talks to much: Could be about themself or work, or just in general

Is to quiet: Shy. Doesn't talk much

Doesn't want kids/ Wants kids: That is a personal one

To blunt: No filter

Low Self-Esteem: Always thinks bad about hemself

Too needy: Wants attention every 5 seconds. All attention on them all the time

Smokes cigarettes/cigars: This is a personal one. Sometimes you can quit and sometimes they don't

Doesn't like music: Well they are just crazy if this is the case.

Never on time: Always late

Not wanting to hangout with family: Red Flag

Never wants to meet family: Red Flag

Bad Manners: Doesn't open doors for you, farts and doesn't say excuse me, burps loud and doesn't excuse themself, elbows on table when eating, swears a lot, gets to drunk in public

Can't keep a job long: Can't hold a job long

Obsessed with money: Focuses on money and not family

Selfishness: Always thinks about themself first

I mean the list can go on an on. If we wanted to, we could easily find reasons to make our relationships fail and break. I mean I left one marriage due to many of these reasons and then some, but I also knew we were never going to work and at a point in time I was okay with that. I am still okay with him and i not working because I have found better.

I knew what I didn't want and he was it. Sir on the other hand understood what I didn't want in our relationship and so since he respects me and I respect him so we do our best to keep those issues out of our marriage and relationship. He also has deal breakers and one day I put myself in a situation where I just wasn't thinking. I was thinking I want to be there and listen and help someone, but with the person being over when Sir was not home was not smart on my end. The time the person was over didn't help my case either. I drank with this person and we talked, but nothing ever happened. I almost lost Sir though. I almost lost him because I was not thinking. All I was thinking at the time was I wanted the person to have someone to talk to because sometimes thinking and talking are the best medicine when one is down and low. We have worked past it and have agreed to never talk about it. It wasn't easy for him to move past it, but I eventually earned his trust back.

Anyways...sometimes some of these are things that can be worked on and or changed and some...well...they just stay on the...nope list and that is okay. Deal breakers are exactly that...Deal Breakers