Confused and broken

Some days are great and then there are some days where they are just blah and you hate your body. Today is one of those days for me. On the bright side my tatto is healing well, but may have to get touched up. I want it a little darker than what it is right now. I got my oldest daughter's foot prints and name tattooed on me so I can have her near me forever. I miss her so much. She has been in heaven for six years. Not a day goes by where she isn't on my mind. She would be nine years old today. She would be in fourth grade and doing choir with her twin sister. She would be helping me decorate for Halloween and planning for Christmas. She loved helping me decorate when she was alive. I still get mad that the doctors wouldn't treat her for epilepsy. She passed away from having a seizure in the middle of the night and nobody knew. Waking up the next morning and waking her for breakfast and finding her dead was horrible. My body still goes into shock when she is on my mind. Which is a lot. If a doctor would have listened and treated her for epilepsy then maybe she would be alive today. If the doctor would have listened to me she could still be alive. I do blame a doctor, but I blame God too. 

My Son also has seizures. He had his first seizure when he was nine months old. The doctors at that time had no problem treating him as an epileptic. This doctor listened to me. Understood my worry and feelings. He never treated him as if he was having a fevebral seizure. We agreed to get him on medication right away. Then my husband and I moved and Dornbeckers took him in. The first neurologist I saw said I was just seeing things. I left hurt and asked for a different doctor. When I went back to take my son to another appointment at Dornbeckers I told them to put a note in my sons record saying that I never wanted to see the other neurologist ever again. I then found out that same day that the neurologist my son saw before is no longer working there. Ever since my son started seeing the neurologist he is seeing now my feelings and worries have been listened too and he has been well taken care of. 

Life isn't always easy and God has given me a big plate to handle. Everyday though my husband is by my side. Listening to me, holding me, and stays by my side. He has seen me broken and at my worst and even though I tried pushing him away when my oldest passed away he still stayed by my side. Not every guy could handle what he has seen me go through and handle. I love this man. I have never felt love like the love he gives and shows me. I couldn't have found a better man then him because there is no one better. Love your children and your husband every chance you get. Make up fast and forget whatever you are arguing about. Hold your children close everyday. Let them know how much you love them. Always kiss your loved ones goodnight. 

Sorry for spilling my broken heart here...