Dropping the weight...

I am going on a big trip next year. The Hubby, kids and I are all going to Japan for two weeks. I have made it a goal to lose 100 lbs before I go on this trip. I am going to be honest...I have ALWAYS had weight issues. Right now I weight 240lbs and it sucks. I have this extra skin on me that the doctors won’t take off un till I hit 180lbs. I got the extra skin when I was carrying twins. I’ve hated how it won’t go away. I asked my doctor’s (I see a Husband and Wife so I always get two opions) what would it take for them to remove the extra and they gave me a number to reach. As being a female who is 5ft 4in I should weigh about 140lbs-145lbs. So there you see where I get the 100 number from. I just got my treadmill up, running and working. So tonight I walked 2 miles. I can’t workout to much at night or I stay awake all night, but I wanted to get a little bit of a workout in so I walked 2 miles on the treadmill. I still have to go a little easy on my knee till I get in the grove because they want to do a whole knee replacement and I am also trying to avoid that as well. So my Husband and I have set a goal for me to walk 6 miles a day. Doesn’t have to be all at once, but 6 miles total within the day if not a little more. I have cut breads, pastas and sugars out of my diet. I am excited with this journey and can’t wait to see the end results. everyday I will also post a picture to show my steps. I gotta figure out how to add it real quick...but for the pics...yeah...One cause it holds me accountable and 2 because in the end I am going to add up all the steps it took to reach my goal. I will be buying a scale here soon so we can also keep track of my weight as I lose it. Ways I keep my mind entertained while I walk for so long is to turn a show or a movie on and just walk while you watch it. Or listen to a book on audible or play music if that helps. For me I use music when I clean house so I can’t really can’t listen to music for to long while working out. Well it is late so I am headed to bed....Talk to y’all tomorrow night.

Fighting with your spouse...

Women or men...Do you ever have a moment when you want to just smack your spouse???

If you said NO you are a liar...

Every marriage has up’s and down’s like a roller coaster, but some times you just gotta pick your battles too. You also gotta think do I really love this person?!?!?! If you answered yes then I am hoping after you say sorry wether you were right or wrong you two make up.

I have had my share of fights in my life. My first marriage was mostly fights, but this second marriage....well it is very different. One time in a year we will have a big fight. No hitting or anything like that, but we do raise our voices at one another and then say some mean things that neither of us mean and then a few hours later after being in different room we say we are sorry and make up. When I say make up I don’t mean getting down and dirty either. Hahaha...although that would be nice it just isn’t our style. Anyways...this last Friday we had our yearly fight...He went to the room and closed the door not asking if I was coming to bed with him. Turned out the lights and that was that. I tried sleeping on the floor in the living room, but couldn’t. Was going to sleep in the kids room, but didn’t need them worrying about Mommy and Daddy so I eventually went and crawled into bed. He was on my side so I laid on his with our Son between us. I felt sooo numb. I han’t felt that feeling in a very long time and I didn’t like it. It isn’t one I ever want to feel again either. It was the first time we had ever gone to bed fighting. The next morning wasn’t any good...it wasn’t till that afternoon while he was at work and we were texting that I decided I would say I was sorry first. He then told me he was sorry too. He came home for lunch that day and we talked and hugged and gave each other a kiss and then I cooked his lunch and got him back on the road again for work. I am glad we can talk. I am very happy that we ALWAYS run back to each other and can say sorry to each other. Having communication is key in a marriage and it is one thing we had to learn along with me needing to learn to trust again while we lived in different states. 

Now if you are fighting on a daily bases then you might want to look into seeing a couples therapist or look into a divorce. Neither are easy, but the first one you would want to do if you wanted to save your marriage and still think it is worth fighting for. If you file for a divorce you better make sure it is what you want because it is a long process. Therapy only works though if both parties are open, open minded and honest. If you don’t then you shouldn’t even waste the other’s time. 

So will you fight for the one you love or will you fight to leave???

I recommend making lists...

Pro’s (What makes me love _____)

Con’s (Reasons I hate _____)

What we have in common

What we don’t have in common

His likes

Her likes

See how much you really know your spouse....I mean you fell in love with them for a reason. Let’s find that reason and bring that flame back

Today’s journaling...

Today started out rather nice. Kids went with Hubby to his work today for take your child to work day. I went and hung out with my friend Tracy at her house. We drank coffee, chatted and watched a movie. Movie was a little slow, but it was still a good movie. So far my favorite movie that we have watched is “Mom’s night Out”. Although the movie called “The Shack” was also a good movie. Then when Hubby called me to tell me he was coming home I too headed home. Then a little after we all got home we went to IKEA to get stuff for the kids. Since we moved they were in need of new bedframes which means new mattresses, new sheets and new dressers. We also picked out a entertainment center and a few other things. I am very excited for it all to get here Tuesday. My cell comes Monday from my Husband’s work so I am very excited for Monday as well. Plus it is a day off for the Hubby. So I mean that makes it to where I love Mondays even more!!! After shopping we went to Panda for dinner and then came home. It was a long day, but a great day. I am very blessed to have an amazing Husband and amzing children. Sure they can be pills sometimes, but honestly who’s kids aren't at times??? If you say not yours then you are just lying to yourself. It is hard being a parent sometimes, but we love them and get to watch them grow and have many adventures. Life is an adventure...not an easy one, but a rewarding one and that is what you should pay attention too. Rewarding...now that is a word I might use often or blessing/s. I am one who went from a crap life to a very happy life. Like my is amazing compared to  where I was in life. I couldn’t be happier:). Now that we are all home, the kids are all tucked into bed, Hubby is watching Critical Role and chatting with the Bro-inlaw. I’m talking to you all while listening to Gray’s Anatomy. I have so much on my DVR that I need to catch up on. Which I will within time, but I just haven’t been home lately. So since I have to be home tomorrow to sign for stuff I am going to blast music and clean house. I got a new scent to try too around the house to see if I like the scent. Kids have school tomorrow and Hubby has work so I should be able to get the house to where i want it before they all get home. On the bright side I don’t have to travel up north. Girls are excited they don’t have to go either. I hate fighting them to go. I HATE sharing my girls with my ex who isn’t even around when they are over there visiting. So I want to know what the heck is the point in going up there??? NOTHING that is what. Gas isn’t cheap these days either. Listen I am glad they do like spending some time with their Step-Mom, but every time my ex is around all he does is yell at them. I don’t even yell at my children. I didn’t like it when my Step-Dad did it so I will not yell at my children. I get down to their level (on my knees) and talk with them in a calm tone. Trust me a calm tone and down at their level will scare them too. We haven’t had to discipline to often. They are quick to realize their mistakes and say they are sorry rather quickly. They are good kids. A pain at times, but they are my pains lol:). My children truly are blessings. I was tolld growing up I couldn’t have children growing up and some how I got blessed with four living children. My oldest went to heaven due to her heart giving out when having a seizure one night. My heart still hurts from it because there are so many adventures that were planned. She wanted to get baptized by my Husband when she was of age, but sadly she didn’t reach the age. No walking down the asile when getting married, no first days of school, no college, no learning how to drive, but she does get to be with my Grandma and my Father in-law in heaven and I know and believe they are helping heavenly father take great care of her. Hopfully she is learning lots from all of them. Well i should head to bed. I am finly getting sleepy. Hopefully I sleep well tonight because I really need it. Hope you all have a great rest of the day wherever you all are:). Thanks for enjoying my day with me:). Oh oh oh and my Ex’s Wife’s Daughter finely got the call to get new lungs!!! I am so excited for her even though she isn’t my family or my child. We are all praying hard that her body accepts the lungs and her body doesn’t reject them.

Raising children...

If anyone ever told you raising children is easy they lie!!!

Raising children is not easy, but in the long run so worth it!!!

Women we get to grow these little bodies inside our bodies and then we give birth to them and then we raise them and help them bloom. We help them learn and teach them to succeed in life. We only want the best for themAnyways right?

We are told in books what to expect, how to get the perfect family, love languages, but what they don't tell you is everybody is different. No child is the same. Now if you are truly into having a great relationship with your child you do need to learn their love language. You should always know your child's likes and dislikes. Especially when it comes to food as they grow. Allergies are also something you have to keep an eye out for too. 

As they grow their taste in things change as well, for, clothes, guys/girls, books, studies, lots...

Kids can give us headaches. I'll admit it mine have given me a couple headaches, but it is always worth it. Even when they just wanna talk your ear off. They will too... Talk your ears off that is. But enjoy it because one day they might not be there anymore. They may move away, pass away... You never know. 

But making the memories is so much fun. Let them have happy memories to remember you by when you get old.

If at first you don't succeed...

So I watched this movie called "Mom's Night Out". If you haven't seen it then go watch it. The main Mom on there is me. Not like in person, but like the way she thinks. I am a mother. Therefore this will be like a mommy blog. First off... Swiping to blog is not easy so I will be looking into getting a keyboard for my iPad till my laptop is fixed. 

I'm a happy Mommy. Well at least I am happy to be a joint. Am I always smiling? No! Motherhood is not easy. It doesn't come with an instruction manual. I mean yeah I'm here are tons of books are parenting, but those don't always work for every family. In my family I have to still meet up with my Ex and or his wife. Now his wife I don't mind. Her and I talk all the time, but my Ex is another story. I won't go there though because then I'll get cranky and upset and then probably cry. So maybe we will just avoid the topic all together. 

Alright...so I am a mother who loves to work, but who also loves being a stay at home mom, but since we moved out into the beautiful country I no longer work as an employee, but as a full time stay at home mommy:). My kids are my pride and joy... It may have to me to marriages to finely be happy with a man. This man though.... Omgoodness... My husband y'all is freaking sexy!!! He comes of intimidating, but once you get to know him and he puts his walks down around you he is a super cool amazing man. He has literally saved my life so many times. I love when as soon as he gets home he gives me kisses and a huge hug. We have three beautiful children. Two girls and a crazy little boy. We started our family in different states. I had left my ex and was on my own with three beautiful little girls. It was us against the world. I was going to make sure to give my girls the best life I could. One day I was checking my Facebook and realized someone had wow on my mother's page. I asked her how she knew my mom and told me how when my mom and her were in the Navy they were each other's birthing coaches when they were pregnant with us. I was all.... No way... And then she said yup it's true. So I asked her who she was pregnant with back then, asked if she had other kids. She and I exchanged number and she started calling maybe every few days. We would just chat... It was so nice to have an adult to talk to since I had just left and cut off anyone I was talking to our close to before the move. If you have toxic people cut them out now. They don't make your life any better. You are who makes their life great. Anyways I sent this guy a friend's request saying "you don't know me, but our mother's were each other birthing coaches when they were pregnant with us. He accepted my request. Omgoodness I hadn't had the butterflies like this in so many years. I was so excited, but so scared because I was hurt before and didn't want to let it happen again. Well since he was stationed in Montana at the time he thought it would be a great way for each other to learn to trust one another. We sent messages back and forth. When I was sleeping he would type me up messages to wake up and read. They were the sweetest things. I would do the same for him as well since we slept at opposite times of the day due to his work schedule. One day he had to run errands and will wanted to talk to me so we switched to texting. Texting turned into long phone calls that were need at times like when I knew he was sleeping. After about maybe three weeks I was feeling changes in me. My walls were falling...I tried so hard to keep them up. Anyways he had asked if he could come visit and meet my girls. I was scared to, but something said to say yes. So I gave him my address and within 10 days and 13ish hours later he was at my front door. He visited for three days and then headed back to Montana for work. While he was here we took the girls to the park, my parents house and that night when I was coming dinner he came back with a box. Inside that ring box was a heart shaped diamond ring. He got down on one knee and promised that even though he had to go back to Montana that he would come back to me and the kids. After he left we will kept in touch. After his contact was up he decided to move out to Washington and live in a little town called Hoquiam. There we lived in my little yellow house with a white picket fence. It was perfect. I was happy. The girls were happy. I had gotten a new job working with a friend as my boss. Things were falling into place. Things were great. Then boom one day I lose my job and a few days later my oldest daughter passed away from a seizure in the middle of the night. My world crashed and broke. I was broken all over again. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. Shock numbed my body. I couldn't think. I couldn't focus. My daughter passed and because my ex and his family and friends were placing false reps with CPS. CPS took my other two girls. I had to fight for a year to get them back. So in one day I lost all my children. I was dead inside. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to be with my boyfriend, but being the amazing man he is he gave me three days off space and told me that was all I was getting and that we would work through this together... And we did. Two weeks later we moved to the beach. Omgoodness I love the beach. Feeling the sand between your toes with every step you take. It is where I first started healing. The beach helped me think, but at the same time clear my mind. The apartment was fine while we were trying to get my girls back, but then we found an adorable rental house. Once we did the parenting classes, meetings, drug tests and more. I was gonna do whatever they needed so I could have my girls back home. They timed our visits. It sucked and hurt so much. That Christmas we found out I was pregnant. I cried. Omgoodness I was not ready for this roller coaster at all. Once the case was closed we moved out of county because I was so hurt. Nothing good ever came out from that area. I mean it took them forever to finalize my divorce. It was ridiculous. Three years!!! Three years I had to fight to get away from my ex. I was so glad when I moved. I felt I could breathe. Kids all started school and we doing great, but then I wasn't happy. I was still hurt and broken over my daughter. Although it has been almost ten years and still have days where I'm not doing much and get to thinking.... Yeah never a good thing when I get to thinking;). Hahaha... Anyways after my divorce was finalized my boyfriend and I filed to get married. So after two years of dating we got married. It wasn't huge, but it snowed, I was happy and I was with the man I knew I truly loved and who truly loved me. Anyways now we are in a house with plenty of time, a huge yard and great schools. Life in the country is great compared to the city. The stars are huge and beautiful. I hear frogs croaking at night and it's amazing. So relaxing... As long as my ex stays away.

Anyways now you know a little about how I ended up where I am. Although because of my Husband...I wouldn't have my life any other way. Unless one day my dream come true and my ex gives up his rights so we can live an even better life with no stress or drama. 

So a couple weeks ago I got some tests done since I was sick with a cold for a while. At least a month an a half. So I got reports back with results. One came back with bad news. So Monday I go in to schedule my surgery to get a hysterectomy. Why in the world would I do such a crazy thing at such a young age??? Because the doctors found cancer in my uterus, the lining and my cervix and my overies are covered in cysts. So we are just going to have it all removed....

But the reason I called this at first you don't succeed... Is because as a mother you can't give up. You gotta fight for your kids (Sometimes with them), and you gotta make it through each day because you never know when you could loose one. So love your children, love your kids, family and your entire life because some times your life isn't as bad or hard as others. Fight for the ones you love and who truly love you. Communication is a great factor too;). Never give up though. If you fall... Sit there... Eat a piece of cake and try again....Till tomorrow everybody

Have a great day everyone! Hopefully this time with the blogging I will be more successful than last time¯\_(ツ)_/¯ we shall find out together

Memories...

Thanksgiving has ended and Christmas is almost here. For my birthday I put my Christmas tree up. No decorations. Just the tree. Yesterday I had the idea to put pictures on my tree with pictures of my little family and friends. Today while sitting next to my tree by my window I looked over and see a picture of my sweet angel and started crying. The holidays are confusing. I have great people that I get to celebrate the holidays with and all and I've cooked plenty of food, but I don't have my oldest daughter to share it with. So my heart breaks and hurts. I miss her so much. I learned to love again because of her. I hold myself back from having fun not sure if it is okay for me to have fun. I just wish i could share all these happy moments with her. She would love this time of year. Where the leaf color changes, winds are a little bit chilly, lights are staying to be put up and houses are being decorated...I mean who wouldn't love this time of year. She would love the new house and yard. So many memories I wanna make with her and can't. Days like this I wish I was with her, but then the other kids wouldn't have their mom and I don't want that. I have great kids. They are a bit crazy, but I always tell them that normal is just a seeing on a washer machine. We have been through a lot and through hard times, but we are some how always okay. My angel may be in heaven, but my heart is always with her.

My husband was home for lunch and when he saw me starting to cry he got worried. He asked me what was wrong, but then saw the picture next to me and knew why I was crying. He moved closer to me in his chair and held me while I cried. He then went back to work after a little while. He is a good comforter. I know I can always count on him to be there. He is an amazing man and I am so happy to be with him.

Everyday I always look forward to him coming home. I look forward to spending time together. Or time together is always full of laughter and happiness. 

Anyways enjoy your time with your family and loved ones. Because memories are what we have to pass on

Moving

Don't you just love moving into a new place? We've were in the same place for five years. When our lease was up they wanted $2,400 for a town home with three bedrooms two baths. So we said no and moved in with my parents house for a few months. During the weekend of the eclipse we looked at a lot of houses and found the perfect house in the country and I just love it. It is still three bedrooms, two baths with a huge fenced yard. 

I'll still keep my job where I am at right now. I can't bring myself to leave my job since I have had many bosses in my time and just absolutely love the boys I have now. She works hard. She communicates with all her employees. If we ever need help she is there. If we are sad she does what she can to cheer us up. You don't find bosses like that often. She says if I ever tried to leave the store for another job that she would give me the worst reference ever that way she can keep me because I am such a hard worker and go above and beyond to get stuff done for haat, my shift and the store. I hope one day to be assistant manager, but I'm not about to take that job from one of my employees who is also my friend. We have grown this store to be family. We like how we can talk to each other and all be on the same page with what goes on at our store. 

My husband works hard to take care of our family. I've seen him happy, I've seen him stressed, but with where he is at now I see him happy more than anything. He works hard for the company he works for and likes all the guys on his team. 

Life right now is amazing...

#FeelingGood